Night Thunder

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In the writing the titles of Master, Mistress, Dominant, Domme, Lady, Sir, Lord and Ma’am are capitalised. They are always capitalised, as a show of respect.

When I was first asked to create a piece on BDSM for the website, I realised that I would be required to be very careful with humans having very strong opinions on both sides about the practise of BDSM. For those of you that want to understand why we even wrote this, the idea came about after a girl read our piece on abuse and wanted to know more. One of the most important functions of this site is the education about parts of the BDSM lifestyle.

Everyone has their own style of BDSM. We are not going to attempt to instruct in this piece on how you ought to behave when you choose to engage in BDSM. There are Dominants and Dommes who believe that being loud, aggressive, pushy, dismissive and so on, makes them dominant over others. It does not matter to them if they appear to the world as just being rude or "want to be's." If you are already part of the BDSM community or now just exploring it, you might choose to observe who the other Dominants and Dommes respect and who they do not.

BDSM is a term which describes a number of related patterns of human sexual behaviour. The compound acronym, BDSM, is a convoluted shorthand for the three main subdivisions of culture Bondage and Discipline (B&D) Dominance and Submission (D&S) Sadism and Masochism (S&M). Many of the specific practises in BDSM are those which, if performed in neutral or nonsexual contexts, are widely considered unpleasant, undesirable, or disadvantageous. For example, pain, physical restraint and servitude are traditionally inflicted on humans against their will and to their detriment. In BDSM, however, these activities are engaged in with the mutual consent of the participants, and typically for mutual enjoyment.

In its simplest format, sadists desire to inflict pain and masochists want to receive pain. The act might be sexual for both, either, or neither. In a particular sub-set of the BDSM culture, submissive personalities, who do not enjoy pain themselves, may nevertheless accept pain play to serve or please those whom they have chosen to dominate them. Such people are not considered masochist by technical definition.

Many humans practise some element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even being aware of it. They may perceive of "S&M" as "That sick stuff that humans do with whips and cattle prods and stuff," yet still blindfold one another from time to time, or tie one another down and break out the whipped cream...

The world of BDSM contains a huge array of activities, dynamics and humans that enjoy them. Since this topic is capable of easily stuffing complete libraries with information this webpage is only meant to give a brief over view. We do not by the way claim to be an absolute authority on BDSM.

Possible guidelines for BDSM.

1) Is your play Safe, Sane, and Consensual?

Safety

When it comes to health and safety in BDSM, you ought to be extra critical. Not everything you will find on the Internet or in books, when looking for safety advice, has clear and accurate information. From the seemingly more intelligent practitioners of BDSM, there is a simple saying. Safety First - Fun Second! In BDSM it is perceived that some of the rules would be considered to be common sense, however we choose not to assume. We are attempting to assist in promoting a safe, sane and consensual community.

ABC published an article 14 February 2008, entitled, Love Hurts: Sadomasochism's Dangers. It was written by Russell Goldman. He wrote, that a Canadian college professor identified as Robert Benjamin, spent three days in a coma over the weekend after losing consciousness at the The Nutcracker Suite 12 East 33 street (9th Floor), New York City. It reports that he was left alone with a dog collar around his neck and a leather hood over his face, according to a report in the New York Post. The dominatrix he was working with, Taki Noriko, gave a repost that she considered it to be an "accident," and that she elevated him only enough (with his feet on the floor still) to cause some pain.

We perceive that it is accurate that some sex practises are capable of being dangerous, and that humans ought to always take precaution when experimenting with a new practise. However, humans are capable of being injured or even doing things that result in their own mortal death from a multiplicity of behaviours. While humans do not die that often from their chosen activities, deaths do occurs, i.e. dying by falling off a bicycle, death while rock climbing, dealt while climbing up or down a flight of stairs, or death by SCUBA diving.  Humans have even died during sexual intercourse, depending upon their health and physical condition.  What seems to cause BDSM injuries and deaths so newsworthy is that they occurred during alternative sex practises that are not widely well accepted or understood. The ignorance enveloping these practises allows humans to be easily frightened, and judgmental.

"Sadomasochism seems difficult to define by almost everyone. Some practitioners engaging in highly dramatised "play" that has more to do with theater than pain, while others look to be severely tortured", said Martin Weinberg, a sociologist at Indiana University who has studied sadomasochism clubs. "There are two forms of S&M. One is a sociological phenomenon and is more about socialising with other humans. Humans go to a club for recreational, theatrical fun. The other is a psychological phenomenon."

Deterrence and Handling of Specific Injuries

1) Reduced blood circulation
In using restraints, care ought to be used to not compromise the circulation of the restrained limb. Restraints ought not to be tight enough as to cause the following: numbness and tingling (pins and needles), cold sensation (capable of also being checked by the Dominant by touching hands or feet); blue colour of hands/feet; diminished sensation; burning sensation. Significant injury is capable of resulting if these signs and symptoms of compromised circulation endure. The restraint is required to be released at the first indication.

2) Bruises
In the context of D/s, not all bruises are capable of being precluded. Those who engage in activities leaving frequent bruises do well to consider the following. On a daily basis, taking 1000 mg. of vitamin C, which will assist with tissue repair. Avoid the frequent use of aspirin, ibuprofen (Motrin), naprosyn (Naproxen, Aleve) and other drugs of the nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory class. Activities leaving bruises are to be completely avoided if a person is taking Coumadin or Plavix,  drugs a drug to prevent clotting. Bruises are capable of being addressed simply with ice for the first 24 hours followed by application of heat.

3) Choking
While we do not have any idea how common this practise is in the D/s community, it is so potentially dangerous. Choking or compressing the neck is sometimes done as part of sex play (erotic asphyxia) in which case the choking is used to heighten orgasm. Any miscalculation is capable of resulting in death by strangulation. Choking in any other context as part of power exchange not only carries the risk of miscalculation resulting in serious injury or death. Some humans are especially sensitive to carotid pressure and develop a slowed heart rate in response. This is capable of resulting in simple fainting, or more severe heart rhythm disturbances.

4) Lacerations
The term laceration implies a torn or jagged wound. Lacerations tend to be caused by blunt trauma such as a blow, fall, or collision). Cuts and lacerations are terms for the same condition.  The two main contemplations with lacerations. First, blood is a body fluid that is capable of transmitting dis-ease, and disposable gloves ought to be worn when treating a partner's lacerations. Secondly, the prevention of infection. Lacerations ought to be washed with warm, soapy water and if significantly open, dressed with an antiseptic ointment (bacitracin is brilliant) and covered with a plaster or sterile dressing. Minor bleeding is capable of being stopped with direct pressure over the wound. If bleeding persists, consult a physician or go to casualty department.

5) Abrasions
These are rubbing injuries, typically sustained from restraints. Also from carpets (what are known of as rug burn). These ought to be cleaned with warm, soapy water, and if significant, dressed with some type of antibacterial drug and covered with a sterile dressing and gauze.

6) Burns
First-degree burns (superficial burns) are those that result in reddened and painful skin.

Second-degree burns (partial thickness burns) are those that result with blistering.
 

  • Small closed blisters (narrower than 1 inch) serve as a dressing and reduce pain. Also the blister fluid contains protective chemicals.
  • Large closed blisters (wider than 1 inch) may require debridement (the medical removal of a patient's dead, damaged, or infected tissue) They commonly break open and the dead skin then requires to be removed.
  • All open blisters require trimming of the dead skin Most open blisters are empty of fluid. A blister with a small opening and slow fluid leak is capable of being be recognised by the appearance of wrinkled skin.


Third degree burns (full thickness burns) are those that result in destroying cellular tissue. Extensive second degree and any third degree burns require medical attention. The superstitious, folklore of the old wives tales of using grease, butter, petroleum jelly, ought not to be followed.

7) Vaginal Injuries:
To prevent injury to vaginal tissues, care ought to be taken not to introduce anything into an unlubricated vaginal cavity.  If sufficient vaginal secretions are not generated, water based lubricants such as KY jelly, Astroglide or GUN OIL ought to consider being made use of for safety.  Also great care ought to be taken when introducing large objects at the introitus of the vagina. The entrance to the vagina has tissue there is capable of being torn if unwarranted force is engaged. If a soreness, redness, swelling etc occurs then a medical physician ought to examine the vagina, as some Sexually Transmitted Dis-eases STDs present that way and distinguishing injury from infection is sometimes difficult.

8) Penile injuries
We ask you to please use conventional intelligence. If catheters are used, they ought to be sterile and used only for that person once. The person using the catheter ought to have actual training of how to insert it.  Remember that rubber is not capable of be resterilised. Do not ever force anything into the urethra, (the opening into the penis). If compression of the penis is practised with any type of device, pain is an excellent barometer of when to stop. Any injury to the penis ought to be seen by a physician as soon as possible.

9) Anal injuries
Generous use of a lubricant is significant, as is slow penetration of the anus, allowing tissues to stretch and the muscles to relax. Regardless, consensual sex is with a male or female.  It would also be considered an error for someone to perform an enema to "clean" the rectum following any vigorous anal penetration for the simple reason that there are always microtears in the rectal wall. Introducing an enema under those conditions is capable of bring about serious infection and illness. Enemas given recreationally ought to not contain chemicals; also, they ought to be around the temperature of your skin.  Further, the enema ought to not be given too forcefully or to rapid.  It is also wise to choose to wear condoms during anal intercourse to assist in protection against any STDs  Any object be it finger, dildo, or penis, used in anal play ought to be thoroughly cleaned in warm soapy water before being put into the vagina or mouth in order to prevent infection. Condoms ought to be changed when switching from anal to vaginal or oral intercourse.  Unlike the vagina, which is a closed space, the rectum is a large vault and items are capable of being difficult to retrieve. As a nurse that worked in a casualty department reminded us that gerbils require surgery to be removed.

10) Wax
What is referred to, as "Wax Play" is a form of deemed sensual play involving warm or hot wax usually dripped from candles or ladled onto a human's bare skin.  Wax play may be combined with other sexual activities or BDSM.  Wax Play is capable of being perceived as one of the most tantalising types of play on the skin that is capable of  producing spectacular, stimulating pleasures. It is also capable of causing an extreme burn if applied improperly.

Adding mineral oil makes the wax softer and it will melt at a lower temperature.

Depending upon what your desired result is, will depend on how hot you want your wax to be.

Safe temperatures to use when applying wax are 110°F - 139°F

The height that the wax is dropped from determines how hot it will be when it hits the skin..
Less than 6 inches dripping height usually cause burns.

Pariffin candles melt anywhere from 120-180 degrees Fahrenheit, based on the blend

Beeswax candles melt at 150 degrees Fahrenheit.

Pariffin candles have three melting points:
A low melting point classified paraffin wax has a melting point of approximately 130 degrees Fahrenheit.
A medium melting point classified paraffin wax has a melting point temperature range of 130-145 degrees Fahrenheit
A high melting point classified paraffin wax has a melting point temperature of 145-150 degrees.

Soy wax melts at 120 degrees Fahrenheit.

Precautions
1) Know about your candles and how hot they burn. Cheap, white paraffin or votive candles are considered to be the beginner's friend. Beeswax candles melt at a higher temperature, so the wax is much hotter on the skin. There are certain considerations when using colours.

2) Check for allergies by applying a small amount of wax to a small patch of skin. If there is any redness or irritation, do not use that type of wax. Another problem may be there may be an allergic reaction to dye, perfume or other additives.

3) Test your candles to see how long they take to develop a pool of wax so you will know how far in advance you may require lighting them. Your candles ought to be on a level, stable surface and place a drop cloth under your submissive

4) Keep ice, cold towels and a bowl of water nearby. It is also advisable to have a fire extinguisher and first aid kit handy.

5) Oiling skin before waxing makes removal easier. Remember that some oils will conduct heat and prolong the extreme temperatures from the hot wax. Mineral oil is generally used to oil skin.

6) Temperature is capable of be varied based on the height from which you drip, drop, or pour the wax. Check temperature by dropping some on yourself, using the back of your hand and your inner forearm. Keeping the candle 18 inches from the skin is considered a safe distance.

7) Wax will clog your shower drains and your washing machine. An iron and some wax paper, or a brown paper bag or newspaper is capable of being used to remove wax from carpets (though stains from coloured wax may remain)

8) If you choose to use soap to wash the wax off your body the process may cause your skin to dry out. If this is the case, apply a moisturiser to the area after you have completed the process. An alternative to the washing method is to simply let the wax dry and then scraping it off of the skin with something flat such as a credit card or an ice scraper. This method will only work if you have wax stuck in an area that has no hair/short hair. The oil/washing method ought to be used if you have wax stuck in an area with longer hair. Some oil-based solvents are too strong for the sensitive skin in some areas of the body. If you have wax stuck in a sensitive area you ought to attempt removal without oil first and/or consult your dermatologist or physician.
 




These are not my thoughts, though from a News List. I agree with them and wanted to share

It is usually safer to meet and play with new partners in a public venue such as a "munch" or public play party and get to know them over several weeks/months before considering private play.

Some folks recommend adding a third "disinterested" observer who does not participate during the first few "private play" events. The third person simply watches and monitors and may have a cell phone nearby in case of problems. The cell phone has a panic 911 or 999 button programmed in.

Don't be afraid to listen to your "intuition" about a prospective player. If the player does not "feel right somehow" then always trust your intuition. Instinct can save your life.

Plan private play ahead and ask your playmate not to deviate too much from the script for the first few play sessions.

If a player has a fixation on "edge play" (e.g., blood sports) during conversation, they probably want to (or will) try it at some point.

Play is an addiction, handle it accordingly.

Take a day or a week off from play occasionally.

Test your "safe word" on your top once in a while during play...the top should be responsive and respectful. Striving to be "brave" enough to never use a safe word is itself unsafe.

Know your limits.

Watch out for drugs and alcohol during play...they are almost always a bad mix.

You don't know everything about play, sexuality or BDSM...don't try a toy or technique unless you have researched it, perhaps tried it on yourself, and talked about it with your partner.

See a physician or psychologist if you get hurt.

Leave the location, name and phone numbers of the players with a "safe check-in" person.

Schedule a call to your safe person at regular timed intervals if you think this extra precaution might be prudent.

Newbies sometimes want to try it all and prove they have more experience than they do. Don't be tempted to prove you can take them to the edge if all they really wanted was slightly rough vanilla sex.

Speak your mind: if you don't like scat or blood sports or breath controll...say so early and clearly. Every kink is different and even the most experienced of players have limits that make them uncomfortable.

Report illegal behaviours

Safewords
One of the thrills of BDSM is that it is capable of stretching your limitations. If you choose to enjoy this sort of thing that is called play, you are capable of naturally finding yourself attempting more and more new things, accepting greater and greater levels of sensation, doing and experiencing more than you have ever done or experienced before. The "safeword" is a unique word or phrase the submissive is capable of using to either modify the scene or stop it completely.

Some BDSM activities may be potentially dangerous if appropriate precautions are neglected. In particular, it is sometimes the practise that the submissive will complain of suffering or beg the dominant to stop, and that this will be ignored by the Dominant. Therefore, one aspect to ensure safety is to agree upon a safeword. If the Dominant and submissive are in a scene that causes unacceptable discomfort for one or both of them, a safeword is capable of being uttered to warn the other of perceived trouble and immediately call for a stop what is considered as being the scene.

Some humans in BDSM use multiple levels of safewords. For example, the safeword "yellow light" would be employed to indicate "You are approaching an intensity, (or an activity) that I don't wish to experience; please take this scene in a different direction, or lower the intensity" while the safeword "red light" would mean "Please stop this and release me, right now."

Many BDSM relationships involve a simulation of rape or other non-consensual acts. A Dominant and a submissive may choose to pretend that the submissive is being raped or otherwise forced to do something unwillingly. Therefore, words like "No!" or "Stop!" are unsuitable as safewords, for the reason that submissive playing the role of a perceived victim would say these words as part of the scenario. The ideal safeword is a word or brief phrase (such as "scrambled eggs") that normally would not be spoken during a sadomasochistic act, and which therefore calls attention to itself by its own incongruity.

In situations where the submissive's mouth is gagged, or the submissive is otherwise incapable of speaking without violating the fetish scenario, a non-verbal signal is used instead of a safeword.

In theory, a Dominant is capable of ignoring a safeword. In the actual BDSM lifestyle, a Dominant who acquires a reputation for ignoring safewords will experience increasing difficulty finding fetish partners.

Safe Calls
A "safe call" is a procedure used when meeting your Dominant or Domme or Master or Mistress, or that special someone in real life, especially the first time.  Do not forget, the "safe calls" are capable of being just as important on that second or third encounter also! Do not hoodwinked yourself! A "safe call" is your way of letting someone know whom you are going to be with and where you will be and provides a way for your safe caller to contact you to make sure that what you thought was going to happen is what really does happen to you. 

When you establish your "safe call," whether you coordinate to call them or them to call you; the safe call requires being at a specific time!  The "safe call" ought always to be made within 15 or 20 minutes of this time, not ever more!  It is the caller's responsibility to make sure the call is made on time! If your safe caller is not capable of contacting you, and speaking directly with you it is their immediate responsibility to contact the appropriate authorities.  Whether the authorities are local law enforcement, the hotel manager, or other agreed upon individuals.  It is their responsibility to make sure you are okay!

Another method of using a "safe call" is to decide on two code phrases.  Phrases which would sound normal and a routine part of a conversation if overheard by someone else. These phrases would signify an entirely different meaning to your safe caller.

These phrases such as "I think I left a candle burning" or "I didn't have any problems finding this place" could mean something such as "Help! I've got real problems here, call the police!" or "this Guy is great and everything's okay". Obviously, adjust the phrases for your environment, it might not work to well to talk about the rainstorm we're having if the sun is shining. Don't forget, if they really are a bad guy, they've probably already read this article or another like it too!

Who are you capable of having as your "safe call?" Anyone that you "trust" with the information you get from your partner.

Aftercare
A scene does not necessarily end when the toys are put away. Cuddling and comforting is a great way to wrap things up. Many subs seem to enjoy being held after a scene. Some humans are capable of being very emotional after playing and require attention of a nurturing type given to them. For some aftercare is believed to be one of the greatest parts of the experience.  Many couples/partners speak of a level of intimacy and closeness that they do not get otherwise. After an intense scene, humans are capable of having various reactions anywhere from several hours to a few days. Dominants and submissives are very capable of experiencing what is considered to be an emotional drop (usually referred to as a top or bottom drop. The Dominant may not experience a drop; however, it is a clear idea to make sure that you contact the submissive especially if you do not live together

Self aftercare: If you do not receive it from your partner, seek it from someone you perceive of as a friend.
 

  • Eat something healthy
     
  • Have a nice chat with thoughs that you perceive of as friends check in with the partner
     
  • Seek it from someone you perceive of as a friend, sleep pamper yourself.
     
  • Have a healthy cry and go to bed early.
     
  • Exercise!


Aftercare for Dominants and Dommes
 

  • A Dominant or Domme may experience what is referred to as being "Top drop," an energy drop after having been in the drivers seat of a scene, due to exhaustion, relief, excitement or all of the above.
     
  • A submissive has a responsibility to be thankful and courteous to the Dominant. This does not mean you are obligated to be pawed or tongue kissed.
     
  • Speak with them, "You are so Dominant, You really turned me on, and I did not know You were that great with a lash (or flogger or rope). . . I would love to do this again sometime." You do not have to say anything you do not mean however if you are capable of finding something nice to say, it will almost always be appreciated.
     

Why aftercare is often done poorly

  • Unlike many other play techniques, there are no standard methodologies for how to do aftercare. Different personalities, tools, techniques, play intensities demand different levels of intimacy, touching, and duration, and no single approach is ever guaranteed to work.
     
  • In a party scenario, one, or both, players may be in a rush to move on to another scene, or may have a partner, or date, waiting for them.
     
  • For the reason that aftercare may be more physically intimate than the play phase of the scene, one or both players may not sense being comfortable hugging and caressing a partner they experience happy to be flogged by.
     
  • Sheer ignorance: Many think the technical stuff concludes the scene is over, and do not have any idea of how important aftercare is in making a brilliant scene superiour. Bottoms are generally unaware that the top requires any support or gratitude when a scene has ended.
     

Why does top drop or sub drop occur? The endorphins and mental state produced is capable of being similar to a drug.... and when a drug is gone the withdrawal symptoms set in.

The reaction seems to be similar to post natal depression resulting from the disappearance after childbirth of the endorphins which build up in a women during pregnancy, a similar situation is true for the absence of the endorphins after a scene/session.

THE 9 LEVELS OF SUBMISSION

The following is not intended as a rigid classification. It was written by Diane Vera and published in The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, edited by Pat Califia, from Lace/Alyson Press, Boston, 1988, reissued 1990 (still in print)

Within the M/s subculture, different humans use the words "submissive and slave" to mean many different things. When submissives say, "I want to be your slave," sometimes they mean only that they want to be tied up and whipped. Many professional Dominants routinely refer to their (usually not very genuinely submissive) clients as "slaves." At the other extreme, there are humans who want to be full-time personal servants, and who truly want to exist solely for their Dominant or Domme's use, pleasure and convenience. In addition, there are many shades in between these two extremes.

1) THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST.

Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up controll; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one's own bodily sensations rather than by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism).

2) PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE

Not into even playing "slave," though into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, though NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.

3) PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE

Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being "used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, thought only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).

4) TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE

Really gives up controll (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), however gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the Dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility. Does not dictate the scene except in very general terms, though still seeks mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the Dominant).

5) TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE

Really gives up controll (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-however only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.

6) UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM THOUGH THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE

Really gives up controll (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the Dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; although only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, however is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one's Master or Mistress, however, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve.

7) PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-THOUGH REAL SLAVE.

Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the Dominant's property at all times. Wants to obey and please Dominant or Domme in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) though Dominant or Domme has first pick of the slave's free time.

8) FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE.

Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dominant or Domme's pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

9) CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS.

A common fantasy ideal which probably does not exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence is not fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you are not really a slave unless you are willing to do absolutely anything for your Dominant or Domme, with no limits at all. I have met only one who claimed to be no-limit slave.

Copyright 1984 and 1988, Diane Vera
 

Points to remember:

  • BDSM may or may not involve sex of any kind.
  • BDSM may or may not involve sexual roleplaying.
  • How Dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not necessarily indicate which role they will play in a scene.
  • Some BDSM players are polyamorous or sexually monogamous though engage in non-sexual play with others.
  • A couple may engage in BDSM sexuality with an otherwise non-D/s relationship dynamic.
  • When there is perceive abuse in the relationship, the Dominant is not necessarily the abusive partner.



International The legal situation of sadomasochistic activities varies greatly between countries. In Japan, Germany the Netherlands and the Scandinavian countries, consensual BDSM is legal.

At least in the western, industrialised countries and Japan, since the 1980s CE sadomasochists have begun to form information exchange and support groups to counter the discriminatory image held by orthodox science and parts of the public. This has happened independently in the USA and in several European countries.
 




BDSM Dictionary and Glossary
 

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



"Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another." -- Juvenal

We realise that all terms are not listed in this glossary

This glossary is intended as a guide to many of the terms one might be presented with in the BDSM community. Note that one ought not to assume every human who is involved with BDSM is into everything listed below; many of the specific practises portrayed in the BDSM Dictionary and Glossary are quite uncommon.We perceive that it is clear to state that no one human is into every practise, and within the BDSM community, not every human will have the same equivalent desires, the same limits, or the same notions.

24/7 - A BDSM relationship in which the Dominant and submissive exist in a perpetual power exchange.

A

Abasiophilia - Sexual attraction to humans in or who use wheelchairs, casts, braces, or other orthopedic fixtures.

Abduction - To kidnap or carry a human away by force, also used in sex play.

Abe Lincoln - This is where you find a human female who has passed out and masturbate over her face, then shave her pubic hair off and put it on her face in the shape of an Abe Lincoln beard.

Abuse - To injure or hurt, not to care about the others well being.  Physical or sexual assault or false imprisonment is not part of BDSM.  BDSM is negotiated between those participating and is something that is enjoyable and enhances a humans well being.

Abrasion - To wear down the skin by using friction. Materials and toys such as sandpaper, steel wool, rough cloth, and bottlebrushes are often used. This increases sensitivity while giving both pleasure and pain.

Abstinence - To refrain from having sex

Absolute Power Exchange (APE) - [SeeTotal Power Exchange] Less common than TPE.

AC/DC - Term used to mean bi-sexual

Acomoclitic - Preference for hairless genitals

Acousticophilia - One who is aroused from sounds

Acucullophilia - Sexual attraction to men who are circumcised

Adult Babies - Age play wherein the submissive is the baby. This may include diapering, powdering, wearing a pacifier, sleeping in a crib, etc. Rarely taken to a 24/7 extreme.

Adult Toy Chest - A place where one keeps their sex toys. A sex toy box.

Adultery - Sex between a married human and a human other than their spouse.

Aftercare - The last act of a BDSM session used to transition the submissive from the elevated states created in a scene back to normalcy. Experiences of affection, comfort and gratitude are often exchanged during this period. Failure to engage in proper aftercare is capable of leading to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.

Agate - Small Penis

Age play - A type of role play to gratify a fetish surrounding age; typically daddy/child or mommy/child fantasies [see also: Infantilism].

AIDS - Acquired Immune Deficiency syndrome- A dis-ease caused by the Human Innunodeficiency virus (HIV). The dis-ease involves weaking the immune system until it is unable to fight off opportunistic infections.

Algolagnia - The act of transforming pain into sexual pleasure. A synonym for sadomasochism (S&M). [see Sadism, sadist; Sadomasochism; Masochism, masochist].

Algophilia - One who is aroused from experiencing pain

Alligator Clamp - A type of nipple clamp with tips that have teeth resembling an alligators mouth. Most clamps of this style come with removable rubber tips and have adjustment screws to limit how far they can close.

Allotriorasty Arousal from partners of other nations or races

Alpha slave/submissive - They have technical authority and the last word in the house over other submissive's/slave's and visiting Dominant/Domme's if their Domiant/Domme is not present.  The alpha sububmissive/slave will be given respect of their position. 

Alphamegamia - Arousal from partner of different age group

Alternative sexuality - A sexual orientation that differs from a preference for vaginal intercourse (with minor variations) within a monogamous heterosexual relationship.

Alternative lifestyle - Having a sexuality that differs significantly from the "norm" (see Alternative sexuality) may make an alternative lifestyle necessary or desirable. A sexual orientation less common than the norm may stigmatise the individual pushing the person to seek a more accepting subculture. An example is homosexuality and the formation of the gay community.

Amaurophilia - A preference for a blind or blindfolded sex partner

Amyl Nitrate - A stimulant which is capable of heighten the senses and intensify orgasm. [See also 'Poppers'].

Anal Dildo - A dildo that is intended to be used with the anus as the receptor.

Anal Intercourse - Sex using the anus as the receptor.

Anal play - Any sexual or fetish practise concerning the anus and/or rectum, chiefly includes: anal sex, rimming, enema play, and anal fisting.

Anal training - Preparation of the anus/arse for anal play.

Androminetophilia - Sexual arousal from human female cross dressers

Androsodomy - Anal sex with a human male partner

Anilingus - To lick or suck someone's anal opening/rectum. Dental dam or plastic wrap is helpful for preventing exchange of harmful organisms.

Anililagnia - Sexual attraction for an older women

Animal play - Role playing wherein one or both partners assumes the role of an animal, chiefly: puppy, dog, and pony.

Animal Training - Fantasy play in which one partner is an animal trainer and the other is the animal. Ponyplay and dogplay are the two most popular forms this takes. Fantasies including obedience training, exercise training, paper-training (in dogplay), harnessing and riding (in ponyplay), and so on. Other popular animal roles include cats (especially kittens), tigers, pigs, cows, and worms.

Anisonogamist - Attraction to either older or younger partner

Ankle Cuffs - Attachable cuffs, generally made of leather, that enable a Dominant to immobilise his submissive's legs

Ankle Restraint - Any device including ankle cuffs that immobilise a submissiveness legs.

Animal Training - Training where the Dominant has his submissive play the part of an animal, such as horses and dogs. The most common is "puppy play"

Anophilemia - Kissing the anus/arse.

Anthropophagolagnia - Rape with cannibalism

Aromas - A term commonly used for poppers.

Aroundthe world - The act of kissing the entire body as a prelude to sex.

Arrhenothigmophilous - Nymphomania

Arse - [See Anal]

Ash rubbing - To rub a cutting with ashes for colour and permanent mark

Asian - Oral sex on the arsef either sex (AKA rimming) or Around-the-World)

Asian Cowgirl - Cowgirl with girl on her feet, instead of her knees

Asphyxophilia - A sexual preference for activities that involve oxygen deprivation.

Asphyxiation play - Restricting air (and/or blood) flow by choking to enhance the sensation of orgasm. Very dangerous play, we do not recommend it.

Ass/Arse play - Anything involving the asshole or rectum. Commonly the insertion of objects, though also enemas, anal fisting, fucking, douching, etc. If a submissive has hemorrhoids, it would be wise for them to inform the Dominant or Domme as that they may be aware of your safety

Auctions - Usually done at play parties. The sale of a scene/type of play or sub/bottom/slave to the highest bidder (commonly for a set period of time).  Extremely uncommon though not unheard of in real life. Sale of sub/bottom/slave to someone permanently.  Sometimes Dominants or Dommes will auction themselves doing a particular play. 

Autoclave - Professional sterilisation device for piercing equipment.

Auto-erotic Asphyxia or Auto-erotic Asphyxiation - A specific form of breath controll in which a human who is by himself or herself constricts his or her own breathing, often with a rope or similar implement, while masturbating. Commentary: Often considered among the most dangerous forms of edge play. According to some estimates, between five hundred and a thousand humans a year die in the United States doing this. It is almost impossible to do safely. Not for beginners. This is very dangerous.

Auto Cunnilingus
- The act of using the mouth, lips, and tongue to stimulate one's own human female genitals. Warning: It is important to be cautious when attempting these postures. Preform it slowly. Do not attempt this if you have any neck, spine, or back problems. Stop immediately if you experience pain.

Auto-Eroticism
- Masturbation.

Auto-Fellatio - Performing fellatio on ones own human male sex organ

Autogynephilia - Sexual arousal from cross-dressing

Auto-masochism - Getting aroused for inflicting intense sensations or pain to oneself.

Auto-Sadism - An act whereby one inflicts pain on oneself.

B

BBW - Big Beautiful Woman.

BDSM: A composite acronym for "B&D" (bondage & discipline); "D&S" (dominance & submission); and "S&M" (sadomasochism). Used to refer to any consensual activities or lifestyles between adults, which include some or all of these things. The term "BDSM" is used in a general sense to describe any situation or practise, which includes erotic power exchange, dominance and submission, pain play, bondage, sensation play, or anything related to these. When the term BDSM was born. This made many kinky humans happy for the reason that it incorporated Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Dominance and Submission (D&S) and Sadomasochism (S&M).

BJ - expression for blowjob (fellatio); ditto in the BDSM lifestyle.

Bachelor's wife - An unmarried man'ied man's mistress

Backdoor man - A human male who enjoys anal intercourse.

Backdoor woman - A human female who enjoys anal intercourse.

Backstreet mistress - A human female who shares sexual intimacies with a human male though who does not have legal status as his wife.

Ball Gag - A device with a rubber ball and straps, which secures the ball in the bottom's mouth to stifle screams.

Ball Stretching - The practise of stretching the scrotal sack so that it hangs lower using weights or other devices to pull on it above the testicles. As the sack is pulled, the testicles are squeezed leading to discomfort and sometime pain.

Ball Torture - Causing pain to the male testicles, also included in CBT or cock and ball torture.

Ball Toys - Toys used for playing with the scrotum - such as weights, straps, etc

Ball Weights - Weights used to stretch the scrotum. See Ball Stretching

BalletBoots – Extremely high heeled boots that require you to stand on the ends of your toes rather than the sole of your foot. Usually they have heels that are 8-9 inches and require considerable training and ability to walk in without assistance. Sometime also referred to as bondage boots.

Barbell - A straight piece of metal used in piercing, as opposed to a ring.

Basoexia - Sexual arousal from kissing

Bastinado - Foot torture involving the soles of the feet.

Bear - A hairy, often large-sized, and typically cigar-smoking man, usually gay. There is a sub-cult of kinky humans who are hopelessly turned on by bears.

Beastility - A human male of female engaging in sexual acts with animals.

Beating - General term for such BDSM activities such as flogging caning, spanking, strapping, etc.

Belonephilia - Sexual arousal from use of needles

Belt - A leather strap used for striking the buttocks.

Bi-Kinky - Someone who is heterosexual when it comes to penetration, however who will do S&M with same-sex partners

Bi-Possible - Someone who is heterosexual though may, in a power dynamic, be willing to explore bisexual scenarios

Bi Sexual - Enjoys both sexes. 

Biological Female/Male - Refers to someone's sex at birth. A biological female (also known as "gender girl" or "gg") was born with the sex organs of a female, and a biological male was born with male organs. [See "transgenderism" below.]

Biting - The Dominant or Domme will use their teeth on various body parts to bite.  Sometimes gently, sometimes hard leaving teeth marks.  Occasionally biting to draw blood.  Remember that if you do draw blood to please clean the area..

Black lightning - A common nickname for a black fiber glass or resin rod that is used as a cane. Denser than rattan, it is capable of inflicting deeper damage and the sensation is described as "cutting." [see Cane]

Black Party - A party, usually at a gay leather club, which only humans dressed in black clothes (and preferably black leather) may attend.

Black snake - A type of single-lash whip that is flexible all the way to the knob.

Blend Modality - Depilation (hair removal) using both electrolysis and thermolysis.

Blindfold - By blocking out sight - a common technique in S&M scene - the bottom experiences being more vulnerable and increases the release of endorphins, thus contributing to the excitement in the scene.

Blood Play: - Type of play which involves blood. Considered a fetish

Bloodsport - S&M practises that result in drawing blood. Is capable of including whipping or caning that breaks the skin, branding, cutting, and piercing.

Blowgun play - The darts capable of penetrating plywood 1/4" thus you will be required to practise to find out how much pressure is required to use since the darts are capable of going very deep.  Also sterilise the darts and each human ought to have their own darts for play.  Paper darts, metal darts, stun darts and paintball darts are just some of the darts available.  Not for beginners. This is dangerous

Blowjob
- Fellatio, head, sucking cock.

Body Art - Artful body modification including: piercing, tattoos and brandings

Body Bag- A fully enclosed rubber bag into which the slave or submissive is sealed. Used in restriction or mummification games.

Body Fluid Monogamy - Sometimes referred to as body fluid bonding.  Two humans or those practising polyfidelity, only share body fluids between them and with no one else.  This is so those involved know they are playing safe and will not likely get HIV or hepatitis B and C from those outside the relationship.  If one was to play with anyone outside of the relationship they inform the playmate that they are in a body fluid monogamy relationship and they would adhere to strict safe sex practises and not ever violate the physical body fluid monogamy agreement. [see Safer Sex]

Body Modification - Making alterations to the appearance of the body. Includes, though is not limited to, tattoos, piercings, brandings, scarification.

Body service - When a submissive takes care of all the Dominant's bodily requirements, acting as a trained servant in bathing, shaving, hair-styling, manicures, pedicures, and other hygiene and grooming rituals.

Body Shaving - Removal of hair with a razor. Female and male submissives commonly shave their pubic hair clean.

Body worship - Oral service (including licking, sucking and kissing) by a submissive to the Dominant Implies no taboos or inhibitions about oral contact with any and all body parts. Often the legs, feet or anus.

Boi - Are usually female submissive's or bottoms and usually have a female Daddy. They are typically male behaving or "butch".

Bolt cutters - Use to cut padlocks, chains and other metals in an emergency situation.

Bondage - Any practise involving restraints placed on the body to restrict freedom of movement.

Bondage and discipline, B~D - A classic term referring to several sexual practises including: bondage, slave training, corporal punishment, and dominant/submissive role play.

Bondage belt - A belt, usually leather with metal rings attached, to assist in performing bondage.

Bondage frame - Any stationary device used to assist in performing bondage.

Bondage harness - A configuration of straps, usually leather or nylon designed to: 1) ornament the body, and 2) aid in bondage and suspension bondage.

Bondage suit- Used for mummification and occasionally suspension.  Commonly made of leather with straps and made to fit snug/tight. 

Boot-boy - Submissive (usually gay) male who has a fetish for leather boots worn by tops, and who frequently works at a leather bar or charitable event shining shoes. The conclusion to the shoe-shining often is oral service to the boots. [See "boot worship," under "foot worship" below]

Bootlicking - Licking and cleaning of a Dominant's boots by a submissive is a common show of submission. Is capable of also being a fetish.

Bottom - A human who receives pain or bondage in an S&M scene, however who may or may not have a power relationship with the top.and who is not necessarily emotionally committed to his/her Dominant partner (top).

Bottoming from the top - Originally a derogatory term for a top who allows his bottom to run the scene, "bottoming from the top" has become a valid style of play. Most tops experience some scenes where they prefer to take at least some direction from their bottoms. Some even prefer this style of play and may call themselves submissive sadists. [see also, Topping from the bottom]

Bottom-space or sub-space - A type of erotically altered consciousness (EAC) identified with feelings of falling into a state of submission. Generally, bottom or sub-space may be characterized by, diminished ego awareness, less active cognitive behaviour, surrendering of will, and/or inability to verbalise. Frequently these functions are assumed by the dominant partner who becomes the submissive's centre of focus.

Boy - Term widely applied to male submissives, however has special meaning in gay leather culture, where it may also refer to the submissive partner in a Daddy/boy relationship. Also used in lesbian culture to denote a male-identified (though biologically female) bottom. .

Boy Toy – A male who is submissive to a Dominant. The Dominant is capable of being either male or female.

Brain fade - A state of confusion and/or inability to reason experienced by the submissive. This effect usually results from psychological domination, the mind-fuck, or a deepening submissive state.

Branding - Making a permanent or semi-permanent scar on the skin by burning it with a heated metal object. Usually used by a Master or Mistress to "mark" his or her slave as their property.

Brat - A bottom who enjoys struggling against controll or challenging the top. Brattiness has a wide spectrum from the playful "uppity bottom" to the smart-ass masochist (which see). Some brats are "testing" their Dominant or Domme, others have a desire to be "conquered and tamed," while some simply do not wish to be controlled. [see Smart-ass masochist]

Breast bondage - Tying the female breasts with cord, string, rope, rubber bands, scarves, etc. as a part of S&M or erotic play. May include nipple bondage or clamping.

Breast Press - A device that squeezes the breasts.

Breath controll - Controll of breathing by the Dominant through use of a gas mask or similar apparatus, by choking, or by covering the mouth and nose. .Also know as sexual hanging. Self-strangulation while masturbating. Those that participate say the decreased blood to the brain heightens the sexual pleasure. Not for beginners. This is dangerous

Body modification
- The general term for practises that reshape or ornament the body for ritual, erotic, decorative, or fetish purposes. The practises commonly include tattooing, piercing, branding, cutting, and corsetry.

Bondage pants (trousers) - Bondage pants or bondagetrousersare trousers with zippers, straps, chains, rings and buckles, giving an appearance of a BDSM style.

Boundaries - Usually refers to limits (which see) negotiated prior to SM play.

Branding - Burning the skin, usually with heated metal, to produce scarification. Branding is capable of being a part of a scene, ritual, or body modification. The design often consists of several unconnected lines and curves, each requiring a separate strike with heated metal, bent to form its part of the design. The reason for the unconnected lines is to assure that elements of the design do not scar into a shapeless mass; human skin heals differently than the hides of livestock.

Bromidrophilia or bromidrosiphilia - Sexual excitment from human body smells.

Brown Play - [See Scat}

Brown Showers - Being defecated on literally (or defecating on someone)

Buddy - A closed circle of fuck buddies, cuddle buddy, dating buddy, porn buddy, sex buddy.

Buddyfuck - To copulate with a male friend's girlfriend without his consent, said of a male.

Buddyfucker - A male who copulates with a male friend's girlfriend without the friend's consent.

Buggery - A term for anal sex.

Buggywhip - A single thong whip with a rigid core and a flexible cracker at the end

Bukake - Sexual scene where many human males masturbate on and give a "semen bath" to a willing submissive

Bukkake -Japanese term for those getting a showering of sperm.  Is capable of being from one or several human males.  Originally used as degradation for unfaithful human female, where all the towns human males would cover her with their semen to show their revulsion.

Bullwhip - A long, heavy leather whip usually longer than 4 feet.

Butch - It usually refers specifically to lesbians who express a masculine identity, however is capable of appling to any women who seem mannish. The butch is usually the Top in a leather relationship.

Butterfly Board - A wood board where a male's scrotum is capable of being nailed or pinned onto.

Buttplug - a "sextoy" shaped to fit into and stay inside the rectum. There many types, sizes and models of Butt Plugs. Rubber, latex, metal, inflatable, to name but a few.

Buttplug Harness – Usually a leather harness that prevents a buttplug from being removed either intentional or accidentally from the rectum.

C

Cable ties -  Used by police, sometimes called plasticuffs.

Cage, bondage cage - A bondage practise, wherein the submissive is kept inside a cage. They are capable of being so small as to restrict motion or large enough for two or more humans.

Candle - A source of hot wax, which is dripped onto the bottom's body in BDSM play.

Cane - Traditional canes are flexible rattan or bamboo optionally having a leather wrapped handle. Modern canes may be plastic or fiber glass.

Caning - The art of using a cane on a bottom, often in school-scene games.

Castration - To remove the testicles.

Cat - An old school expression for an old school BDSM tool of discipline - the "cat o nine tails".

Cat Fight - Two or more human females fighting each other without rules, usually tearing each other's clothes off.  It is common for the human females to end up having some sort of sex activity during the fight.

Cat O Nine Tails – a whip that has exactly 9 strands. Some have a knot at the end for increased sensation or sting.

Catharsis - Purgation of emotions and or stress through an S&M scene may or may not be intentional.

Catheter - Flexible tube used in medicine; in BDSM catheters designed for the bladder, often utilised in 'controll' scenes.

Cathterophilia - Sexual arousal from inserting a catheters.

Cattle prod - Usually modified for BDSM play.  Gives a powerful jolt.

Caviar- [See also 'Brown Showers]

CBT- Cock and Ball torture.

CBT Board - A wooden or leather board designed to hold the penis and testicles whilst they are tortured. It is usually attached with clamps.

Chains - Multi-use metal links; used to restrain, restrict movement and/or tie up a submissive.

Chamber- The room in which sessions take place. Also capable of being called a Dungeon.

Chastity Belt - A device used to keep the submissive chaste when the Dominant is away. Comes in both male and female models.

Checking-in - Asking the submissive how they are doing, feeling, etc. during a scene. Specific questions get more useful answers. An affirmative response to "Are you ok?" may merely indicate that death is not impending, however there still may be problems, particularly with a macho sub. "Would you enjoy heavier (or lighter) sensations?" is a clearer question. In S&M play "is this nice for you?" is asked during a scene rather than the typical "was it nice for you?"afterwards. Checking-in ought to notreplace a Dominant's own observation and focus, it is another part of the safety net.

Chezolagnia - masturbating while defecating.

CHDW - Clueless, horny, Dominant or Domme wannabe.  It is most likely clearer if you choose to avoid these types of Dominants or Dommes.

Cinching – 1) Wearing of a cincher, a garment similar to, however less encompassing than a corset. 2) A bondage technique, for example, to tighten coils of rope holding the wrists together by wrapping the coils between the wrists by one or more "cinch loops" of rope.

Circumcision - The cutting away of some or the entire foreskin, in males. In the female, circumcision usually refers to the removal of the clitoral hood.

Clamp, clamping- Generic term for any BDSM toy nipple clamps, clothespins, and binder clips are used to pinch or squeeze a small bit of flesh. The target areas for clamping are nipples, cocks, vulvas, and other erotically sensitive areas such as the sides of the torso and inner thighs. Weights are capable of being added to increase the rigor.

Clingfilm - Generic term for plastic wrap which is used in mummification scenes.

Clip - [see Clamp, Clamping]

Clitoridectomy - Surgical removal of the clitoris.

Clitorilingus - Tonguing the clitoris. Also called "eating" which is easier to pronounce.

Clean- A code word used to describe a condition of being dis-ease free. [see Code word]

Claustrophilia - A love of being in a confined space, the opposite of claustophobia.

Clothespins- wooden or plastic clothespins, typically used to produce pain sensation on the skin. Usually on nipples and genital areas.

Clover Nipple Clamps - Type of adjustable nipple clamps that tightens as it is pulled. Also known as Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps.

Cock and ball torture or CBT- Tortures are inflicted on these body parts using clothespins, clamps, cock cages, weight, and various kinds of bindings.

Coca-Cola Submissive- A submissive who only obeys the easy stuff or only when he/she wants to.

Cock Cage- a CBT device that encase a penis shaft inside it. It is capable of being either a solid or web design.

Cock Cuff– A chastity device that consists of a tube welded to a handcuff, usually both made of stainless steel. The penis is slide into the tube and the handcuff closes behind the ball sack making removal all except impossible without unlocking the handcuff. A very effective chastity device.

Cock Ring- Rubber or metal ring that slips round base of cock and balls; supposed to increase duration of erection but also has D/s aspects to it.

Cock Strap- Leather or neoprene strap that wraps around the base of cock and balls to help improve erection.

Cock Sucking- see "fellatio" if you do not already know.

Cock Torture- Cock and ball torture without the ball torture. Giving pain only to the penis shaft.

Code word(s)- Word(s) used in personal ads to disguise sexual proclivities that may be unacceptable to mainstream society, eg: English culture, French culture, Greek, clean, discipline, strict, leather, etc.

Coitophilia- Sex or sexual relations

Coitus- Sexual penetration usually leading to ejaculation of semen into the female reproductive tract.  Is capable of being accompanied by orgasms.  

Coitus Mammilla- Sliding ones penis between breasts for sexual enjoyment. 

Colour Codes- such as the hanky code of sexual preference.

Collar, collared 1) A symbol of surrender worn by a submissive. A collar is given in a relationship as a profound symbol of a commitment and bond. A "collared" submissive is considered to be owned (which see) or partnered with a dominant player. 2) A piece of bondage equipment worn around the throat. 3) For some couples, it is as sacred, if not more, than a wedding ring. It is considered t be a symbol of their devotion and status.

Different Meanings of a Collar

For a Top/bottom it might mean a piece of equipment used in the scene. It is merely is used as a toy. It usually symbolises nothing beyond the power exchange of a "scene."

For a Dominant/submissive the collar might mean a commitment to each other in the form of a power exchange. It might symbolise a commitment to the power exchange and is capable of ending when either wishes to conclude it.

For a Master/Mistress/slave it might signify the slave being owned. The slave has relinquished his/her privilege to choose as long as the Master/Mistress or slave wishes to remain in it. For a Master/Mistress /slave in an absolute relationship it means that the slave has relinquished his/her privilege to choose until his/her Master/Mistress releases him/ her.

Collar and Leash Worn by the bottom during this type of BDSM play. The Dominant holds the leash and the bottom or submissive is required to follow and obey.

Conditional compliance- The S&M one-nighter, a limited exchange of power negotiated by a dom and sub for a single scene or brief period of play, such as overnight, one day, or one weekend. [see Power exchange levels]

Conditioning- The term used in psychology for the deliberate process of creating a psychological link between a desired response and an unrelated stimulus. Much of what people in the S&M community refer to as training or slave training uses classic conditioning techniques.

Condom- A latex sheath used on a penis or toy as a barrier to prevent the transmission of dis-ease or pregnancy. Natural lambskin condoms are also available, however do not function effectively to prevent the spread of viral illness. [see Safer Sex]

Contract- A written agreement between M/s or D/s collaborates outlining the extent of their relationship. These contracts are nor capable of being legally enforced, however they are often used to define the relationship. See also Slave Contracts.

Controll - The Dominant ought to have controll in one form or another over his submissive in any D/s relationship.

Control Freak A slang term for a human with a dysfunctional personality type usually referred to as a "controlling personality."

Consensual - Behaviour or activities agreed to by all parties involved. True consent is informed consent and requires a reasonably accurate knowledge of possible risks.

Consent- To give approval. The BDSM code of "safe, sane and consensual" or “SSC” is the cornerstone of BDSM play. With consent being the most important.

Contrapolar stimulation- A type of physical stimulation that Incorporates sensations of both pleasure and pain.

Coprolagnia - Sexual excitement derived from eating feces

Coprolalia - Sexual excitement from dirty words

Coprophilia - Gaining sexual pleasure from scat play.

Corporal - Activities that involve the striking of one individual by another are called corporal from the term corporal punishment. Typically corporal activities include spanking, flogging, paddling, and caning.

Corporal Punishment - Retributive punishment using repetitive spankings and question and reply to change a bottom's behaviour.

Corset - Very popular clothing item that cinches and narrows the waist and gives the female an "hourglass" figure.

Co-Top - A Dominant or Domme that participates or assists another Dominant or Domme.

Counting - The ritualised counting of strokes received. The sub may be required to thank the Dominant with each count. Example: "One, thank you Sir. Two, thank you Sir, etc." A typically diabolic practise is to start the count over again each time a mistake is made. Some masochists do not ever seem to get the count correct, even with their shoes off.

Covenant of dominance and submission - A deeply committed symbiotic relationship between a dominant and a submissive. [see Levels of power exchange]

Crossdressing - Dressing in clothes of the opposite gender.

Crop - A type of whip used in horseback riding, quite popular in BDSM scenes. It stings and is capable of marking a phgysical severely, however is easy to master and quite reasonable in price.

Cross - see St. Andrew's Cross.

Cross Dressing - Dressing in clothing worn by the opposite sex. Does not indicate sexually preference in any way.

Crucifixion - Bondage incorporating a stationary cross. The submissive’s arms and legs are tied, not nailed. Care is required to be taken to ensure that the torso is properly supported, otherwise, strangulation may occur.

Cuff, cuffing - 1) Placing handcuffs, manacles, or similar restraints on the wrists and/or ankles. 2) Also refers to the restraints in the noun form. For example: "That is a nice cuff you’re wearing," or "This cuffing is very comfy."

Cumming on Command (Psycholagny) - Orgasms induced from mental stimulation or trigger words said by the Dominant or Domme to the submissive.

Cunnilingus - Licking and sucking the cunt.

Cunt Torture - Stimulation or pain inflicted on the female genitals.

Cupping - The placing of suction devices on the skin to increase blood flow. Typically these are used on the nipples and the genitalia. Increasing the blood flow increase sensation as well.

Cutting – I) slicing the skin as a part of body modification, ritual, or scene. Most frequently, designs are transferred to the skin as they would be for the creation of a tattoo. Then either scalpels, razor blades, art knives, or other cutting tool incise the skin at a depth of 1/16" to 3/16. Cuttings are capable include colour by means of tattoo inks or cigar (not cigarette) ash rubbed into the fresh wounds. Care ought to always be taken to insure sterile conditions. 2) The breaking of skin by use of a corporal instrument. Single lash whips, canes, crops and others are capable of cutting if used improperly. 3) The deep stingy feel of some toys. Not for beginners.

Cybersex - Where one or more humans participate in online play/scene.  Done in role with detailed descriptions of what each one is doing or how one is feeling/reacting.

D

DD - Dis-ease and drug free.

DM - Acronym for Dungeon Monitor or Master. In a BDSM play party, they watch the scenes to make sure house rules are followed and the play is safe.

DP - Double penetration

D/s - Popular abbreviation for Dominance and submission. A relationship between a Top and bottom where one is Dominant and the other submissive. Is capable of being for a scene or is capable of being a long-term relationship or anything in between. (Also called Dom-sub, DS, D/S, D&S.)

Dacryphilia - Sexual arousal from seeing tears in the eyes of one's partner. Something sadists sometimes find enjoyable or arousing.

Daddy - A role taken on by some Dominants; especially common in age play.

Daddy/boy relationship- A male homosexual relationship in which one partner is old enough to be the other's father, even if both are adults.

Damaged goods- A human who is no longer considered desirable or, in some cases, even acceptable for marriage, for instance, because no longer a virgin or because of having borne a child out of wedlock or for the reason of having served as a sex worker or for the reason of a loss of reputation.

Dammerel - A human male who much prefers the company of human females to that of human males and enjoys participating in their "womanly" activites, thus opening himself to being called effeminate.

Date- A companion, who is of complementary sexual orientation, for a social occasion or activity.

Deep throating - To take a whole cock or dildo into one's mouth and throat.  Those talented will massage the cock with their throat muscles.

Dental dam - A latex barrier used for cunnilingus or anillngus to prevent dis-ease transmission. Plastic food wrap is an inexpensive, however satisfactory, substitute.

Depilation - Removal of hair. Many Dominants require their submissive to shave certain areas, their whole body or just their pubic hair.

Derivative pleasure, immediate/delayed - Corporal strokes that are painful at impact, although pleasurable following initial execution. An immediately derived pleasure stroke feels wonderful straight after the impact. Delayed derivative pleasure is an accumulation of painful strokes that explodes into sexual heat some time later.

Diesel Dyke - Usually referring to a lesbian truck driver. 

Dildo - A manufactured penis-shaped object.

Discipline - The "D" in B&D that is capable of meaning; 1) punishment 2) structured training of a submissive.

Dishabiliophilia - Sexual arousal from undressing in front of someone

Dittle Sound - A straight urethral sound.

Do-me queen/king - A bottom that takes passive delight from the physical activities of scening without a desire to give submission or pleasure in return.

Dog-Training - Role-play games involving treating the bottom as a dog. Similar to Pony Training where the bottom is treated like a pony.

Dominance, dominance & submission, D/S, D&S - The consensual empowerment of one partner by the other for erotic enhancement. Dominance and submission are the psychological and emotional underpinnings of S&M. [see Power exchange]

Dominant, Dom, Domme, Domina, Dominatrix - The human who is given controll in a consensual exchange of power. Domme, Domina, and Dominatrix refers to human female. Dominant, or Dom is capable of referring to either gender.

Domination - Taking the Dominant role - controlling the bottom's behaviour, it is also capable of being role-play or in a D/s relationship.

Dominatrix - A Domme; it implies being a professional.

Dominissive - Human who enjoys both Dominant or Domme and submissive roles.

Domme - A female Dominant. Is capable of also be used interchangeably with Mistress

Double Penetration - Having two openings filled at once.  Anus, vagina or mouth. Most common: anus/vagina.  

Double Anal Penetration - Simultaneous penetration the ass

Double Vagina Penetration - Simultaneous penetration the pussy

Douche, Douching - Injecting of a liquid, usually water, into the asshole or pussy, usually for hygiene purposes prior to sex or ass play.

Duct Tape - Also known as gaffer's tape; used in many BDSM scenes (such as taping the submissive's mouth shut).

Dungeon - Dramatic term for a BDSM or Bondage playroom.

Dungeon Monitor - A human that monitors a play space for danger signs and breach of the rules or etiquette.  A human that you are capable of speaking with if something you see or experience bothers you.  A human who is capable of pointing you to a restroom, the cleaning supplies, will get you a bandage, etc.  A human that is there to assist though not to interfere.  A human who knows the play spaces rules and the party rules.  TIP - If you are going to do a heavy scene, you ought to speak with the Dungeon Monitor beforehand so they do not interrupt your play for the reason that it might look unsafe or questionable.  This will also allow them to ask you any questions about the play so they will be capable of educating anyone that may have concerns with your level of play.

E

EMS Unit - see Tens Unit

Earplugs - Capable of being used in sensory deprivation play.

Ecdyosis - Sexual arousal from stripping in front of an audience

Ecdysiast - A stripper

Edge play - Erotic role play near or at the edge of a submissive’s or Dominant’s limits. The term also refers to activities that carry a higher than usual element of risk.

Edgeplayer - A human who partakes in edgeplay

Electrical Play - Using electricity for stimulation. Professionally made electrical units are to be used - such as the "tens" unit and the "violet wand." Not for beginners.

Electro-torture - The use of electrical stimulation to create a desired physical sensation.Term for electrical play.

Electrolysis - Permanent electric hair removal.

Elastrator - A castration device.  This device sometimes get used as a clamp, mainly for nipples. 

Emasculation - Permanent removal of the male sex organs. Sometimes simulated through the use of a chastity device or through a Dominants restrictions forbidding typical male behaviour such a urinating while standing.

Emotional buttons, emotional triggers - Associations with words, behaviours, or activities that provoke a strong emotional reaction. Dominants will do well to become familiar with the unique triggers of his submissive. It is important to know, as much as possible. which buttons evoke positive and negative responses.

Endorphins, endorphin high - Endorphins are substances created by the body to help endure pain or stress. Entirely natural, however theoretically similar in likenessl to opiates. The physical body’s release of endorphins may create a sensation of well-being, even intoxication, which is called an endorphin high. Humans differ dramatically in their ability to release endorphins. The possibility of addiction to endorphins has been conjectured.

Enema - The instrument used for, or the act of injecting fluid into the anus to flush the lower intestines. Some people include enemas in S&M scenes for humiliation, for preparation for other activities (such as fisting or anal sex), and/or simply for the reason that they may enjoy the sensation.

Enforced Chastity - Chastity play where the Dominant controlls a submissive's sexual frequency and ability to experience sexual pleasure, usually with a chastity belt or other chastity device.

English - A code word for spanking or corporal punishment sometimes used in ads. We will have achieved social acceptance when ads in mainstream papers are capable of reading, "Romantic sadist seeks masochist lover," instead of perceived nonsense such as, "devotee of English culture seeks receptive partner."

Erotic humiliation - Is the consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the mixed and powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned. The humiliation does not require be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the perceived human emotions derived from it which are sought, regardless of the nature of the actual activity. It is capable of being verbal or physical, and is capable of being relatively private or public.

Erotic power - Erotic power is like potential energy, becoming significant only when it is exchanged or used to empower a Dominant by the transfer of controll. [see Power exchange]

Erotic pain -  Stimuli that are painful under normal circumstances, however are pleasurable or arousing in a sexual context.

Erotic restraint -  Restricting movement for erotic play. Also, refers to the devices used for said purpose.

Erotic surrender - The sexually motivated gift of controll of one’s self (within negotiated limits) to one’s partner. A more accurately descriptive phrase for submission.

Erotically altered consciousness, EAC - Any one of several altered states of consciousness achieved by erotic stimulation. [see: Bottom-space, Sub-space; Endorphin high, Flying, Top-space]

Exhibitionist - A human male or female who displays their physical body to attract attention and derives sexual pleasure from being watched. Exhibitionist fantasies are capable of being classified into two categories: with humiliation and without it. Exhibitionist fantasies with humiliation tend to be passive fantasies, i.e., the human male or female is publicly used by one or more human males of females. Exhibitionist fantasies without humiliation tend to have the human male or female actively participating and enjoying sexual activities, such as dancing, stripping, or making love to another human male of female while being watched.

External enslavement - Is non-consensual, frequently involving physical force and imprisonment.

Extreme Restraints - A Bondage device that is very strict or terribly confining.Warning: usually not something used on beginners.

F

Face Fucking - Forcing a dildo or penis into someone's mouth and forcing them to perform fellatio. Usually the one receiving the blow job is controlling the other's head.

Face Sitting - To have your face sat upon by a Domme. The details vary; some face-sitting is simply an expression of dominance; some is a part of breathing restriction games; some is explicitly sexual and the submissive is expected to perform cunnilingus on the Domme. The last-named variant is common between lovers, howeverrare in professional BDSM; most professional Mistresses do not allow it and may be offended if a client asks for it.

Fainting - A temporary loss of consciousness. Caused by lack of oxygen to the brain, is capable of occuring during extreme BDSM play - such as breath controll, long pain sessions, etc. It is capable of being dangerous (brain damage) when caused by breath controll play. Not for beginners.

Fanny- British slang for a vagina

Fanny Fart- A noise made by the emission of air from the vagina, usually associated with a physical activity similar to intercourse.

Fantasy - Something one thinks about.  Usually a fantasy that makes one respond sexually.  Common to have a fantasy while masturbating or having sex.  Some fantasies ought to perceivably be left in one's own mind rather than try to make them a reality.  

Fantasy Rape - A consensual rape scene. 

Fear Play - Creating a real fear or seemingly real fear in a safe manner.

Felching - Has two definitions. 1) A human sucks the semen out of someone's vagina or anus. 2) Inserting an animal into vagina or anus.

Fellatio - Giving head, a blow-job (B.J.), going down on someone, being face fucked: the act of sucking or licking a penis, or having a penis inserted in the mouth.

Fellatrix - Someone whose specialty is fellatio.

Female Circumcision - Usually illegal, however is a custom in some countries.  Full or partial removal of clitoral hood and/or inner labia.  This is different than hood splitting which is sometimes done to enhance sexual pleasure or for clitoral piercings.  

Female Domination - Being controlled or lead by a human female.

Female Ejaculation - Fluid released by the paraurethral glands.  It is capable of being varing from a couple of drops to 15 ounces or more.  The fluid is capable of being either urethra ejaculate, a mixture of ejaculate and urine, or only urine.  It really ought not to matter since this is a part of her sexual being. 

Female Vacuum Pumping/Pussy Pumping - Making the sub more sensitive and the clitoris larger.  Common usage are nipple pumps or pumps they make for men.  Some use the rubber top of an eyedropper.  Is capable of being done for play or if done regularly will become permanent and would be a body modification.  One is also capable of doing labia pumping, one is just require a pump to encompass the labia lips.  Genital pumping, again one requires one to cover the entire area.  And do not forget nipples are capable of being pumped also. 

Femdom - A female Dominant

Feminisation - To be forced to dress up as a female usually in frilly, lacy clothing.

Fetish, Fetishism - An unusual obsession with something. Such as a leather fetish, a latex fetish or a shoe fetish. Fetishes are only limited by the human imagination.

Fetish Attire - Clothes that reflect the wearer's particular fetish, such as leather, latex, rubber or high heels.

Fetish community - The name given to that group of humans having an alternate sexual or gender orientation, however excluding the "vanilla" gay and lesbian communities.

Figging - The Dominant or Domme will use ginger root for anal insertion.  Do not use a lubricant , just use water.  Lubricant acts as barrier and prevents the ginger effect.  Use caution when inserting into vagina or urethra of the cock.  The burning might be too intense for some.

Financial Domination
– Controlling another’s financial matters or money.

Finger fucking - Repeated insertion and withdrawal of finger(s) into the vagina or rectum.  

Fire & ice - The use of hot and cold for sexual stimulation, especially hot wax dripped from a candle and ice applied to the skin.

Fire Play - The use of fire in sexual play.

Fisting - Also known as fist fucking, FF and handballing, It is the slow insertion of a hand into a vagina or anus. Some tops will ball their hands into fists once inside, depending on the receptivity of the bottom, ergo the term "fisting."

Flag/flagging - The use of colour-coded bandannas (called "hankies" or "flags") to let others know what turns you on. The "hanky code" is a system that was developed within the gay culture, where colours represent different kinks. The hanky code has faded in popularity however some still abide by it.

Humans also flag their Top/bottom orientation with the left/right "code" or "convention". Dominants or tops flag on the left; submissives or bottoms on the right. The applies to other S&M attire (for example, a Dominant always wears there whip on the left side of their belt).

Flagellation - The act of whipping a human being.

Flogger, flogging - An unbraided multi-thonged whip is a flogger. To whip using a flogger or other corporal instruments.

Flying - A transcendent state of consciousness sometimes achieved during an S&M scene. This rapturous state has been so often described in a similar manner by independent sources that we have no doubt of the validity of the experience. Feelings described by the submissive seem similar to that of out of body experiences and often include a psychic link to the Dominant. Most commonly, this link is felt as either a tether to the Dominant or as a feeling of being surrounded and protected by the Dominant’s presence or consciousness. Elation and spaciness experienced after flying may be felt for hours, even days after the session has ended.

Foley Catheter - Type of catheter that is capable of being inflated with sterile water.

Food play - To insert food items into orifices.  To apply oils or sauces to body parts for sensations/reactions or for licking off. 

Foot Worship - A foot fetish where the submissive worships the Dominants feet, usually in high heel shoes or boots.

Forced Lactation - Continual stimulation and sucking of the female nipple is capable of sometimes produce milk. Also known as forced breast milking

Force-me queen/king - A submissive that wants/requires/desires to be forced to do something or take punishment.

Forced oral, forced sex - Sexual role play where the Dominant pretends to force an activity that the submissive pretends they are under duress to perform. It involves a shared suspension of reality. (A Dominant only "forces" the submissive to perform activities he or she has requested.)

Freeplay - BDSM play where there is no Domination or submission.

French - A common code word for kissing involving the tongue, cunnilingus, and fellatio.

French Maid - A fantasy role-play in which the submissive (male or female) is dressed in a "french maid's uniform" and serves food, drinks, and so on. The uniform usually comprises a very short, one piece dress, often made of fetish material; a frilled petticoat; a frilly apron; stockings and high-heels; and other frou-frou (such as a lacy headpiece, lace wrist-cuffs, and white gloves). [See "sissy maid"]

Frenum - Piercing the surface of the penis shaft

Frottage - To rub your body against another person or object to get sexually aroused. 

FTM - Female to Male transgender person. 

Fucking - Repeated insertion and withdrawal of cock, dildo, fingers or fist, etc. into vagina or rectum.

G

Gaffer's Tape - [see Duct Tape.]

Gag, gaggage - devices that are inserted in or cover the mouth to muffle sound.

Galateism - Sexual attraction to statues

Gauge - System of grading the thickness. The lower the number, the thicker the wire or material.

Gay - A Homosexual human male.

Gear - Toys, props, clothes and what-have-you used for scene purposes.

Gender community - Humans with cross-gender fantasies or cross-gender identification. Cross-dressers, transvestites, and transsexuals make up the gender community.

Gender orientation - Gender orientation is an issue apart from sexual orientation. It is self-identification and feelings of maleness or femaleness, rather than issues of sexual attraction. A human with an alternate gender orientation may or may not have an alternate sexual orientation. For example; a transvestite or a transsexual may be either heterosexual or gay.

Generation X - Term for the new guard.

Genitorture - Pain play involving the genitals. (See Ball Torture, Cock and Ball Torture, Cunt Torture).

Gender play - To dress up or take the role of the opposite sex during a scene. [see Sissification]

German - A code word for Sadomasochistic desires.

Gerontophilla - Preference for sex with the elderly

Given Away- The Dominant or Domme gives the submissive to another Dominant or Domme to use (usually for a set amount of time) or in some rare cases to keep. 

Glory holes- Commonly found in the gay community, though also in the straight community. From the mid-to-late 20th century C.E. glory holes were capable of being found in many public toilets of human males in the United States including adult bookstores, gay bars, department stores, jailhouses, bus and train stations, office buildings, military bases, and other public buildings like departments stores and park rest stops. Glory holes were once extremely common in public human male's toilets. Where as human female's toilets would be targeted for "peep" holes for spying, glory holes were much larger and therefore more obvious. To use a glory hole a man puts his penis through the hole to in most cases receive fellatio, and to a lesser extent anal intercourse, or a handjob. Glory holes are today most commonly found in established adult video/bookstore arcades, sex clubs, gay bathhouses, and adult theaters.

Go Down On - Another of the endless terms for fellatio.

Golden Enemas/Douches- Using urine in place of water for enema or douche.

Golden shower - A practise whereby the male and/or female urinate on one another during the time when they are enjoying sexual pleasure.

Governess- Commonly found in Victorian play.  Domme that trains or teaches the submissives or those portraying children.

Greek - The code word for anal sexual activities.

Gym Cap - Slang for condom.

Gynemimetophilia - Human sexually aroused by a female impersonator

H

Hafada - Piercing through the upper part of the scrotum.

Handballing- Another term for fisting. 

Handcuffs - These metal shackles are used to bind wrists by law enforcement personal, legally, and by sadomasochists, covertly. Handcuffs are considered weapons and illegal to own in most states, however are easy to purchase and commonly used.

Hanging- To suspend the physical body by the neck.  Warning: This is very dangerous

Hanky Code
- Old guard leather community's colour code of sexual preference. The Hanky Code is a traditional form of signaling to others what your sexual preferences and interests are.

Hanky Colour Code
 

COLOUR WORN ON LEFT WORN ON RIGHT
BLACK heavy SM top heavy SM bottom
GREY bondage top fit to be tied!
BLACK w/WHITE Check safe sex top safe sex bottom
GREY W/BLACK light SM top light SM bottom
GREY FLANNEL owns a suit likes men in suits
BLACK w/WHITE Stripe likes black bottoms likes black tops
CHARCOAL latex fetish top latex fetish bottom
BLACK VELVET has/takes videos will perform for the camera
BLUE, Light wants head cocksucker
BLUE, Robin's Egg 69er anything but 69ing
BLUE, Medium cop copsucker
BLUE, Navy fucker (top) fuckee (bottom)
BLUE, Airforce pilot/flight attendant likes flyboys
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Stripe sailor lookin' for salty seamen
BLUE, Teal cock & ball torturer cock & ball torturee
RED fist fucker fist fuckee
RED w/WHITE Stripe shaver shavee
RED w/BLACK Stripe furry bear likes bears
MAROON cuts bleeds
RED, Dark 2-handed fister 2-handed fistee
PINK, Light dildo fucker dildo fuckee
PINK, Dark tit torturer tit torturee
MAUVE into navel worshippers has a navel fetish
FUSCHIA spanker spankee
MAGENTA suck my pits armpit freak
PURPLE piercer piercee
LAVENDER likes drag queens drag queen
YELLOW pisser/WaterSports piss freak
YELLOW, Pale spits drool crazy
MUSTARD hung 8"+ wants 8"+
GOLD two looking for one one looking for two
YELLOW w/WHITE Stripe likes Asian bottoms likes Asian tops
GOLD LAME likes muscleboy bottoms likes muscleboy tops
ORANGE anything anytime nothing now (just cruising)
APRICOT two tons o' fun chubby chaser
CORAL suck my toes shrimper (sucks toes)
RUST a cowboy a cowboy's horse
GREEN, Kelly hustler (for rent) john (looking to buy)
GREEN, Hunter daddy orphan boy looking for daddy
OLIVE DRAB military top military bottom
GREEN, Lime dines off tricks (food) dinner plate (will buy dinner)
BEIGE rimmer rimmee
BROWN scat top scat bottom
BROWN LACE uncut likes uncut
BROWN SATIN cut likes cut
BROWN w/WHITE Stripe likes latino bottoms likes latino tops
WHITE beat my meat (J/O) I'll do us both (J/O)
HOLSTEIN milker milkee
CREAM cums in condoms sucks cum out of condoms
WHITE LACE likes white bottoms likes white tops
WHITE VELVET voyeur (likes to watch) will put on a show
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Dots likes white suckers likes to suck whites
BLUE, Light w/BLACK Dots likes black suckers likes to suck blacks
BLUE, Light w/BROWN Dots likes latino suckers likes to suck latinos
BLUE, Light w/YELLOW Dots likes asian suckers likes to suck asians
RED/WHITE GINGHAM park sex top park sex bottom
BROWN CORDUROY headmaster student
FUR bestialist top bestialist bottom
SILVER LAME starfucker celebrity
LEOPARD has tattoos likes tattoos
TAN smokes cigars likes cigars
TEDDY BEAR cuddler cuddlee
PAISLEY wears boxer shorts likes boxer shorts
UNION JACK skinhead top skinhead bottom
MOSQUITO NETTING outdoor sex top outdoor sex bottom
KEWPIE DOLL chicken (under-aged) chicken hawk (likes young adolescents)
DIRTY JOCKSTRAP wears a dirty jock sucks dirty jocks clean
DOILY tearoom top (pours) tearoom bottom (drinks)
ZIPLOC BAG has drugs looking for drugs
COCKTAIL NAPKIN bartender bar groupie
KLEENEX stinks sniffs
KEYS IN FRONT has a car looking for a ride
KEYS IN BACK has a home needs a place to stay
HOUNDSTOOTH likes to nibble willing to be bitten
CALICO new in town tourists welcome
TERRYCLOTH bathhouse top bathhouse bottom
WHITE w/MULTICOLOR Dots hosting an orgy looking for an orgy


Head games - 1) Domination where the focus is primarily mental, such as humiliation, rather than physical, such as bondage or whipping. 2) Non-consensual psychological manipulation to make a human respond in a particular way for one's own purposes.

Hard Limit- A limit which is considered to be absolute, inflexible, and non-negotiable.

Harness - Elaborate bondage device made with leather straps worn on the body.

Harness Gag- A ball gag with additional straps which pass around the wearer's face and head to hold it securely in place.

Harpaxophilia - Arousal from being robbed

Heavy - 1) Intense S&M play or whipping. 2) A term describing an S&M toy such as a flogger, lash or cane that is capable of delivering intense sensations.

Hedgehog- A device used for sensation play consisting of a short metal cylinder with numerous spikes attached to a handle in such a way that it is capable of being rolled over the skin, producing a sensation somewhat similar to that of a wartenberg wheel.

Hedralingus - Licking someone's anus (also called rimming.)

Henna - A brown dye made from the leaves of the henna plant. Used in temporary tattoos.

High Heels - Popular objects of foot fetishists, along with boots.

Hobble Skirt - Very narrow skirt that restricts the wearer's ability to take anything other than tiny steps.

Hogging - The practise of groups of human males who target overweight or obese human femeles, typically for sexual encounters. In fraternities, hogging refers to a game which is won by the pledge who returns to the fraternity house with the "fattest female who can be found."

Homilophilia - Sexual arousal from hearing sermons

Homosexual- A gay human male or a lesbian human female

Hood - A covering for the head. Hoods used in S&M are made of various materials, especially; leather, spandex, and rubber. Some hoods are constructed as ornamentation, others are used as a part of bondage to controll or restrict sight, sound, speech (by incorporating a gag), and/or breathing.

Horse - In bondage, it is a modification of a sawhorse over which a submissive is capable of being tied. Sometimes referred to as a spanking bench.

Houseboy/girl- A submissive that may or may not live with the Dominant or Domme.  Their responsible for caring/cleaning/maintaining the Dominant or Domme's home.  This may include doing errands, grocery shopping and entertaining guests. 

Human toilet/training- The Dominant or Domme uses the submissive in place of a toilet.  Common on the submissives body or in the submissives mouth. 

Humiliation - Playful embarrassment or humbling a person by teasing them about their sexual desires is capable of being part of erotic controll. Humiliation in S&M is capable of paradoxically build a person’s self-esteem rather than tearing it down by reinforcing their sexuality. Real attacks on a human’s self-worth or sexuality, or manipulations designed to break their spirit are abuse not within the proper practise of S&M.

Hy- Used mainly by lesbians as equivalent to him or as a masculine reference.

Hym- Usually used by transgender folks as pronoun equivalent to him or her.

Hypophilia - Breath play wherein sexual pleasure is derived from limiting the intake of oxygen. Usually accomplished by temporary choking. Not for beginners.

I

Iantronudia - Sexual arousal from exposing oneself to a medical physician.

Ice - Ice is capable of being used very effectively as an instrument of torture.

Iconolagny - Sexual arousal from statues of nude humans

Immobilisation - Extreme form of bondage where no body parts are capable of moving, one example is mummification.  Warning: Not for beginners.

Including others- Adding another human to the play.  Is capable of being either another Dominant or Domme or submissive. 

Infantilism - Role play involving infant-like behaviour such as diaper wearing, nursing, etc.

Infibulation - closing off, obstructing or modifying, either permanently or temporarily, the male or female genitalia so as to alter or prevent the conduct of sexual intercourse.

Inflatable doll- A blow up doll usually made of vinyl or rubber designed for insertion of penis into dolls vagina, anal or oral orifice.  When using/purchasing one remember some people are allergic to latex.

In-role - Assuming the persona of a sexual archetype or fantasy character.

Insertable - Anything one is capable of inserting into an orifice.  Most common: butt plug, dildo, vegetables. 

Internal Enslavement- Some perceive that internal enslavement and total power exchange or erotic power exchange are similar, others do not.  Internal enslavement is consensual ownership in which the submissive/slave is not capable of taking back their consent.  

Isolation - 1) A fear of interrelating with others. Humans are often; a) afraid to "come out" about their attraction to S&M out of fear of societal repercussions, or b) they may think that no one shares their attraction to a particular S&M (or other sexual) practise. In both cases, this is capable of leading to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, depression, and/or loneliness. 2] A technique of sensory deprivation, bondage, and trickery to make a submissive feel as though he or she is being left alone.

J

Jaffa Cake- A small, biscuit-sized, biscuit-shaped, biscuit-like thing that consists of a thin base with a jelly-like orange layer coated with a chocolate topping (other layer/topping combinations have become available).

Japanese bondage - [see Oriental bondage, rope dress]

Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps - Type of adjustable nipple clamps that tightens as it is pulled. General preferred for the reason that they will not easily slip off.

Jerking/Jerking off. Producing sexual pleasure in oneself or a partner by stimulating the cock with the hands. An activity that may be required of a Bottom or done by the Top to form the natural end to a BDSM scene. Sometimes a Bottom, though desiring the first stages, may not want to cum during the scene.

Jewellery- Jewellery displays and shows submission and dominance to other humans. It symbolises so much which makes it different and special to any other jewellery one is cpable of purchasing.

John - A human who patronises prostitutes.

Junior Top- A less experienced Dominant or Domme assisting an experienced Dominant or Domme.

K

Karada- A rope harness, originating in Japan, that is tied around the torso in a series of diamond-shaped patterns. Often used as a foundation in shibari. The karada does not restrain the subject, and is capable of even be worn under clothing.

Karabiner - Commonly called a panic snap or quick release.  A snap used in mountain climbing. 

Katherine wheel - A piece of dungeon equipment that looks like a large, vertically mounted wheel to which a submissive is bound, allowing themselves to be turned or spun. Warning: not for use with the submissive that is inclined toward motion sickness.

Keys- To wear a set of keys to tell others if you are Dominant/Domme/Top or submissive.   Keys on the left side means you are Dominant or Domme.  Keys on right side means you are submissive/bottom/slave. 

Key word- Safe word.

Kegel exercises- Exercises to assist with vaginal tightness and orgasms.  Both human males and females ought to do kegal exercises.  For human males this will assist in ending premature ejaculation and weak erections.  For human females it will assist in tighten the vagina and helps eliminate pain from penetration or cramps and to accelerate orgasms.

Kennel training- Dog training

Kicking-. Physical kicking, usually to the thigh muscles may occasionally form part of a BDSM scene. Warning: kicking, especially with boots, is capable of causing serious injury, and a kicker with with bare feet is capable of damaging the toes.

Kidnap scene
- A BDSM fantasy scene in which a person is kidnapped. It may involve the actual kidnap as well as confinement and possibly ill treatment. For a related scene see Torture scene. Warning: acting out a kidnap in public are capable of causing police involvement.

Kinbaku
- A type of Japanese rope bondage.

Kink community- Usually referring to those with alternative lifestyles that get together in social or learning situations.  Those into BDSM, transgender, polyfidelity, gay/lesbian etc. are commonly referred to as part of the kink community

Kink Friendly- Not kinky themselves though supportive of kinky humans. 

Kinky- Perverted practises is the most common definition of kinky.  Anything beyond someone else's limit is kinky.  The most above board practise is to ask someone what they think kinky means.

Kinky sex- Sex that is not traditional however not necessarily BDSM either.

Kleptolagnia - Sexual arousal from stealing

Klismaphilia - Sexual arousal from giving or getting enemas.

Kneeling- Showing of respect and quite common in BDSM. 

Knife Play - A specific form of "edgeplay".  It includes the use of a knife (does not necessarily imply cutting). Knives are more often used as props for psychological effect, to scrap wax from a physical body after a fire and ice scene, to remove clothing, and endless other devious purposes where the Dominant uses a knife to either cut or tease the submissive.

Knight and squire scene-. A fantasy scene similar to the Master and slave scene however with medieval connotations.

Knot - The easiest way to fasten rope in bondage.

Knismolagnia - Sexual arousal from tickling

Kolpeuryntomania - Sexual arousal from forced dilation of the vagina

Kowtow - The act of deep respect shown by kneeling and bowing so low as to touch the head to the ground. In Asian submissive / BDSM play, slaves are required to kowtow to their Masters to demonstrate this respect. This allows the Master to relax and do anything else while the slave continues in this position. For the Master it also demonstrates the desire of the slave to willingly and quickly show this respect.

L

Labia Stretching - Stretching the inner labia (labia minora) making them longer and longer.  They are capable of being stretched to 25 centimeters (9.84 Inches) if spread apart they are capable of measuring up to 50 centimeters (19.68 inches) or more.  Some Dominants or Dommes restrain their submissives by the labia.

Lacing - Using sutures to secure body parts to objects in bondage. 

Ladder - Playroom furniture in the form of a ladder, sometimes triangular, to which a human may be attached.

Lap dancing - Rubbing ones body against a human that is sitting to create sexual excitement/arousal without touching the genitals. 

Lash, Lashing - Descriptive of any kind of whip. The act of inflicting corporal punishment with repeated blows

Latex - Latex and rubber are used to make clothing, sheets and other fetish items.

Latex Play - Play which uses paint on latex.

Law and BDSM. BDSM, as such, is not against the laws of Britain however the law of assault still applies. Consent has been held not to be a valid defence unless the injuries are "transient and trifling". There have been several cases where the humans involved, including those hurt, were convicted and sentenced to imprisonment. Activities not causing injury may seem to be legal however it is still wise to be careful. BDSM literature received by post or brought through customs may be stopped and may result in one's home being searched and items such as leather trousers removed as evidence. Particularly dangerous is activity, photographs or literature involving young looking people. The position about legal gay sexual activity when there are others present is not fully established though is probably illegal if it occurs in a public place (which includes a car or a hotel room). The law on keeping a brothel is capable of being applied if a third person accepts money. The law on keeping a disorderly house is vague though requires proving that a human ran a house in which disreputable activity occurred several times.

Leather - One of the most popular of fetish materials; many get excited by the look and/or feel of leather clothing, boots, etc.

Leather butt - 1) A term that describes a person who has been beaten so often that only intense whipping has any effect. 2) The condition of the buttocks after heavy paddling. The skin compresses and becomes stiff or "leathery" to the touch. The compression effect is most pronounced with paddles, so leather butt is capable of being avoided by using a mixture of implements.

Leather conference/weekend- An organised event consisting of multiple all day events where attendees will have workshops, demos, vendors and a dungeon play space.

Leather community- Started in the gay men's leather community.  In general, means to be a part of a group of like minded individuals.

The Leather Leadership Conference- A conference held annualy in the spring.This huge pansexual S&M gathering invites you to become part of our effort to share the diverse and extensive body of information gathered from the many authors, educators, academics, activists and members of our community.

Leatherdyke or Leatherwoman- A lesbian who is in the Leather/BDSM community.  

Leatherman- A gay man who is in the Leather/BDSM community. 

Legcuffs – large handcuffs intended to be used to immobilise or restrict movement of the ankles

Leg Irons - Steel ankle cuffs. Patterned after British prisoner restraints.

Legal- The legal situation of BDSM varies greatly between countries.  In certain countries consensual BDSM is legal. The Law as it Relates to BDSM

Lesbian - A homosexual woman.

Lifestyler - A human who lives and are actively involved in S&M or D/s on a daily basis. Including TPE/EPE/TPT relationships. Some lifestylers object to the characterisation of their S&M identities as fantasy role play, feeling that it is integral to their personalities rather than a sexual game. It is easy, and often attractive, to confuse reality and fantasy. [see Alternate sexuality; Alternate lifestyle; In-role]

Limit - The boundaries of S&M activities set by both dominant and submissive during negotiation defining what each is willing and unwilling to do within a scene. Limits are required to be respected and not ever intentionally breached by either partner. Limits apply to roles, levels of dominance and submission, and duration of time, as well as physical activities such as whipping, paddling, etc.

Little Death (also been called Orgasmic Syncope)- Human females (some human males also) experience a sudden, temporary loss of consciousness during orgasm.  Advice - If this occurs, the human ought to lie flat and raise their legs to increase blood flow back to the brain and heart.  It would be wise to also visit a physician and rule out abnormal heart rhythm or any serious health condition.

Lipstick Lesbian
- A very feminine lesbian.

Living In Leather (LiL)- A leather-SM-fetish convention held annually in the autumn. This huge pansexual S&M gathering includes seminars, workshops, events and parties. It is held in a different location every year.

Live-in slave - A lifestyle submissive in a committed relationship who lives within the context of a Master/slave (or Mistress) fantasy.

Lorum - Piercing through the skin on the underside of the penis.

Lubricant (Lube) - To enhance comfort and ease of sexual activities.  You ought to use a water-based, water-soluble, petroleum free lubes.  Water-based, etc. will assist in preventing masking of infections or damaging latex condoms and diaphragms.  Warning: Remember some humans are allergic to latex and nonoxynol-9.

Lunge Whip
- 2 part whip screwed together in the middle with fiberglass core.

M

Ma'am - Term of respect for a female Dominant.

M/s - Master/slave. (Also, less popularly, MS or M&s)

Macho sub - A submissive with a reluctance to show distress, use a safe word, or who feels a requirement to stoically endure what is not pleasurable. The macho submissive may be motivated by a desire to prove his or her mettle, show devotion, or reflect his or her internal fantasy. The macho submissive is required to make sure the Dominant is aware of his or her inclinations during negotiation. The Dominant of a macho submissive ought to rely more on a checking-in technique and less on spontaneous feedback. The macho submissive’s saving grace is a strong desire to obey. Ordering him or her to communicate clearly about stress, as it occurs is capable of overriding some of his or her reluctance to "be a wimp."

Macrogenitalism - Sexual arousal from outsized genitals

Maid - Popular role-play where the submissive dresses up - and behaves like - a maid.

Maid training/service- Usually involves dressing in a French maid outfit and cleaning the Dominant's or Domme's home and serving the Dominant or Domme. 

Maieusiophilia - Sexual arousal from pregnant women

Malacca cane- Commonly known as the whip with a whistle or hammer.  Usually thin with a knob at one end for gripping.

Maledom, male Dom - A male Dominant.

Male concubine- A kept human male who is a human female's lover without being officially married to her.

Male Domination – BDSM play where a male is the one in controll or who controlls the submissive.

Mammagymnophilia - Sexual arousal from female breasts

Manacle - Metal rings connected by chain to wrists and/or ankles.

Mandingo party- An orgy arranged for men of black African descent to copulate with non-black women (usually white) in the presence of their non-black husbands or boyfriends.

Markings- Commonly done when 2 enter into full time relationships. Typical marking types- branding, piercing or tattoo

Marks- Something that might happen during the course of play.  Bruises are the most common "mark."

Martinet whip - Commonly used in French schools and homes into the late 1970's.  Very similar to a cat o'nine tails.

Masochism, masochist - The erotic enjoyment of pain, humiliation, and/or of being dominated. One who enjoys pain, etc. Sometimes the terms are used to describe one who enjoys heavier pain.

Master - A human male that takes the dominant role in S&M role play. The title of honour for a human male sexual Dominant that usually denotes either a high level of experience or competence. The title may be bestowed upon the human male Dominant in appreciation of his skill. It may be a term of endearment or a loving tribute to a Dominant by a submissive in a relationship. Also used (voluntarily) as a title of respect for Dominants that have served the BDSM community as a whole. Alternatively used as a term of endearment for the Dom in a Scene featuring “Master/slave” role-playing. Similar titles include Sir, Lord, and Daddy.

Master/slave Conference- An annual educational event solely dedicated to Master/slave relationships held on Labour Day Weekend.

Masturbation- To touch oneself to produce favourable sensations usually resulting in orgasm(s).  The Dominant or Domme is capable of controlling when or if the submissive has an orgasm.

Medical play- The Dom/me is often a surgeon, doctor or nurse.  Common activities are vaginal or rectal exams, enemas, catheters or sounds.  Some play might involve injections or play piercings. 

Medical Scene - BDSM scene involving medical scenarios.

Menophilist - Sexual arousal from human women on their period

Mentor - A teacher or advisor who often shows a "newbie" around the world of BDSM and D/s.

Merinthophilia - Sexual arousal from bondage

Ménage à trois- Commonly a married couple with one having a lover for sex.  

Mental bondage- Ropeless bondage by command. A submissive instructed by her dominant to remain in position will feel bound to obey.

Menophilist- One who is aroused by menstruating human females.

Mind Fuck- The Dominant or Domme uses whatever means to heighten anticipation or heighten fear to intensify the submissive's reaction.  Some deliberately mislead the submissive to believe that the perceived worse possible outcome is about to occur. 

Mistress - A female Dominant. A title of honour for a (female) sexual Dominant that usually denotes either a high level of experience or competence. Also used (voluntarily) as a title of respect for female Dominants that have served the BDSM community as a whole. Alternatively used as a term of endearment for the Domme in a Scene featuring "Mistress/slave" role-playing. Similar titles include Ma'am, Lady, and Momma.

Mommy - Analogue of Daddy in BDSM play. Sometimes submissives call their Mistress "Mommy."

Mousetraps - Used as a BDSM device for nipple torture. A severe and pain cheap nipple clamp.

Mummification - A unique kind of bondage scene in which the whole body is wrapped tightly restrictive material, such as; plastic wrap, spandex, elastic or gauze bandages, etc. Warning: Not for beginners.

N

Nailing - To hammer nails into ones genitals.  Most common is in CBT play.  As surprising as it may sound, little long term damage is done with nails through the scrotum.  Warning: Testicles or the penis, would require extreme caution.

Narcissism
- One who is stimulated by one's own physical body.

Nasogastric tube - Used in controll scenes such as forced feeding.


Nasolingus - Sexual arousal from nose sucking

Necrochlesis - Sex with a corpse


Necrophilia - Sexual gratification from sex with the dead

Needle Play - Another "edgeplay" where sterilised needles are inserted through the top layer of the skin (the epidermis). Most popularly it is done underneath and around the female nipple and the breast. Warning: Not for beginners.

Negotiation - The process of determining the practises and boundaries of sexual and S&M activities between a top and a bottom. It may apply to the whole relationship or just aspecific scene. Negotiating is an ongoing process that is repeated as the players’ requirements change.It assist in defining Safe, Sane and Consensual between the Dominant and submissive.

Nettles- A plant that is capable of causing fairly intense short-term stinging.

Newbie - Someone new to something such the BDSM play or lifestyle.

New guard- Generally do not follow the old guard ways.  More informal, casual, less traditional.  Easier to switch between Dominant/Domme and submissive. 

NHB No Holds Barred - Extreme, with no rules, no limits, no mercy. Warning:This type of play may have very serious psychological ramifications.

Nipple Clamps - Devices that clamp onto the nipples. Weights are capable of being attached to stretch the nipples. Nipple Clamps often provide increased stimulation which are capable of being involving pain and pleasure. [See Also, Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps, Alligator Nipple Clamps, Tweezer Nipple Clamps]

Nipple play/torture - Stimulation of the nipples for corporal or erotic purposes. Often includes; sucking, pinching, clamping, fire and ice, or piercing.

Nipple Rings - Jewellry that looks like small hoop earrings that are inserted through pierced nipples. Another popular jewelry style for pierced nipples is the barbell. There also non-permanent nipple rings which stay attached by pinching the nipple.

Nipple Shield - Decorative nipple jewelry the encircles or even covers the nipple.

Nipple Weights - Usually weights suspended from either nipple clamps or from nipple piercings.

Nonconsensual - S&M play that is not sanctioned by either player. Against ones will, without permission. 

Nose Hook- A set of rigid, blunt hooks, about an inch long, connected to a length of rope, cord, or chain. The hooks are inserted in a human's nose and the rope is tied above or behind the human, forcing the head up. Sometimes used in shibari

Nostril strap - A device, usually of bent wire, with a string attached for hooking into the nostrils for humiliation and torment. Commonly used in Japanese S&M.

Novice - A human with an interest in S&M, though lacking in experience.

NSA- No strings attached

O

Obedience - To obey the Dominant/Domme's commands without questioning.

Oculolictus - Eyeball-licking

Odaxelangnia - To become sexually aroused from biting.

Odontophilia - A tooth fetish

Omnisexual- Humans that are sexually attracted to all sexes.

Ophidiophilia - Sexual arousal from snakes.

Oral Sex - Sex involving contact between mouth and any other sexual organ. Cunnilingus, fellatio and rimming are the most common. 

Orgasm- The intense pleasure of a sexual act.  For both human male and females it is often accompanied by ejaculation.  Orgasms are capable of being denied by the Dominant/Domme.  The Dominant/Domme is capable of ordering the submissive to controll the orgasm and not have one until given permission.

Oriental bondage, rope dress - Any of a number of styles of rope bondage stemming from styles used in the Far East. Typically, the bondages are highly decorative, uniform, and symmetrical. Six types of Japanese bondage. The are as below.

1. Spiritual bondage for long-term gentle restriction in order to help the bound human to reach a higher spiritual level. In this the pain increases steadily.
2. Submissive bondage, stress free restriction allowing the Bottom to express submission and to be stimulated in other ways.
3. Erotic bondage, which complements the erotic attraction of the subject and perhaps gives some erotic stimulation.
4. Endurance bondage, producing immediate pain.
5. Suspension bondage, in which the subject is often inverted and is in a position of complete powerlessness. It requires great care for it to be safe.

At a first glance much Japanese bondage looks unbelievably complex however careful examination usually reveals that it is based on less than half a dozen basic ties. Rather as in classical ballet the art is in the combination and modification of basic units in order to create new and personal art.

Orogastric Tube - A tube from mouth to stomach. Used in force feeding scenes. Not for beginners.

Osphresiolagnia - Sexual arousal from foul smells

OTK- Over The Knee.  Commonly refers to spanking.  Generally over the lap is used.  The Dominant/Domme gets a better sitting position as the submissive lays across the Dominant/Domme's lap.

Outed- To have someone other than yourself tell the public you are into BDSM or a homosexual.  Usually used as a weapon against humans to cause harm.

Over the knee, OTK -"Over the Knee" spanking were the subject is placed over the lap of the person administering the spanking.

Ownership, absolute ownership - 1) Within Master/slave role play ownership means having controll of the submissive. 2) Loosely used in the S&M community to mean an ongoing Dominant/submissive relationship. 3) Absolute ownership is a lost-in-fantasy relationship based on sadomasomythology and fictional lore.

P

PA- Prince Albert piercing -  A piercing that goes in the urethra and out by the sweet spot of the penis (frenum).  Made popular by Prince Albert of England, Queen Victoria's husband.  Also known as a "Dressing Ring" supposedly to attach his penis to his thigh so as not to have a visible bulge in the tight pants he wore.

Packing- A lesbian wearing a strap on dildo or something to create an illusion of a penis in their trousers, a dildo is commonly used, worn under their clothing. 

Paddle, paddling- A rigid flat-surfaced implement usually of leather or wood used for spanking a fanny. Paddling is the act of using a paddle. A paddle is also the implement that a wise-ass masochist often finds themselves up the creek without the proverbial paddle

Pain- Physical or mental suffering caused by injury, dis-ease, grief, etc.  Humans involved with BDSM do not seem to enjoy a paper cut or a stubbed toe any more than the rest of the humans in the world.  Most "pain" in BDSM is erotic pain.  Erotic pain is something that most would consider painful if not in a arousing or sexual manner. 

Pain slut - A masochist who derives pleasure from physical pain.

Painful or predicament bondage- Tying someone in a position that isn't painful until released.

Panic Snaps- A device to quickly get a human free without requiring to spend time in an emergency situation.

Pansexual- A human who participates in sexual activities of many types.  Is capable of being attracted to more than just males or females; they do not choose to limit themselves to genders and are attracted to transsexuals, hermaphrodites, androgynies, intersexes, and pretty much any gender identity one is capable of conciving of.

Panty play- When the Dominant or Domme has the submissive, usually a male wear feminine under clothing or lingerie.  

Parachute- Usually made of leather or rubber and shaped like a parachute.  Attached to the testicles or penis.  Sometimes weights are also attached to the parachute. 

Pearl necklace- When a human male ejaculates onto a neck, usually a woman's neck.  The drops look like pearls. 

Penis ligation- The tying of the foreskin of the penis. Percussion- Any type of striking type play.  i.e. spanking, flogging, caning. 

Percussion- Any type of striking type play.  i.e. spanking, flogging, caning.

Pervertible- An expression used to described items not intended for sexual use.  i.e. wooden spoons, chopsticks, spatulas, clothes pins, saran wrap, etc. 

Phone sex- Verbal exchange to bring sexual arousal and possibly orgasm by one or both parties.

Piercing - Piercing the skin with a needle in an S&M scene, as ritual, or as body modification. Most frequently, piercings are accompanied by the installation of jewellery. An exception to this is play piercing. In play piercing, the needle is inserted into, or through, the skin as a part of a scene, however the wound(s) are often allowed to heal without jewelry being introduced.

In play piercings, many parts of the skin may be pierced at the same time. Sometimes, the needles are left in the skin throughout the scene, tied together by string, thread, or rope, then removed at the close of the scene.

Piercings that are intended to be permanent usually are placed in sites common among people of the Near East for ornamental and erotic value. These sites are, typically: nostril and septum of the nose, ears (in the lobes, tragus, and helix), lips, nipples, along the shaft and head of the penis, the scrotum, inner and outer labia, and the hood of the clitoris. Some newer fashions of piercings include the webs between the fingers, the eyebrows, and the bridge of the nose.

Erotic piercings are said to enhance sensation to the body parts that are pierced. Raelyn Gallina, body modification expert (she performs piercings, cuttings, and brandings) and jeweler from Oakland, CA, invented a piercing called the "Triangle", which penetrates the clitoral hood on both sides, and underneath the clitoris, Thus, the ring installed contacts the clitoris in a place totally beneath the skin.

Humans seeking piercings are warned not to use piercing "guns", sewing needles, or safety pins. It is best to seek professional assistance which is available in most parts of the United States, Canada, and Europe. Very often, tattoo shops will be associated with professional piercers. These humans have the equipment to provide sterile piercings and the knowledge to recommend proper after care.

Pillory - Handed down from the reign of the Puritans, a pillory is usually wooden-framed, free-standing stocks that imprisons the head and wrists for immobilising a human. For use with the humiliation of one's choice.

Pizzle - The dried and stretched penis of a bull, or other large animal, formed into a whip. These are actually deadly toys.

Plastic wrap - Regular, old plastic food wrap is capable of being used for encasing the body for bondage. [see Mummification]

Play - Participating in an S&M scene or S&M scene activity. To behave in a specific way. 

Players- Those that enjoy the erotic aspects of Power Exchange however not wishing to live the lifestyle, or those wishing to expand their "vanilla lives. 

Play Party- A place that is capable of being either public or private at which BDSM play/scenes are allowed.  Common to be called or referred to as a dungeon.  Each venue will have their own rules which are followed by all attending.

Playroom, Pray space - Any area you designate in which to perform an S&M scene. Hotel rooms, secluded woods, and delivery vans qualify as well as a permanently furnished basement or dungeon. Also referred to as dungeon space.

Play punishment - The use of punishment as an excuse for an erotic encounter. She burnt the toast that morning, forgot to say, "Sir," or some other trivial misdeed and, alas, ought to be corrected. Somehow, both end up getting what they crave. As a game, this beats the heck out of strip monopoly. Punishment is an erotic game that ought to not ever be used to address serious problems.

Poly (Polyamory)- One that has multiple relationships with others.  Rarely do the others have relationships with each other.  Some call it responsible non-monogamy.  Also called: group marriage, non-monogamy, open marriage.  
There are some sub groupings: 
Polyfidelity- Group of humans committed to each other and do not have sex or romantic ties outside of the commitment group.
Polysexual- Pretty much swingers, having sex and no commitment with others, often done in groups. 

Ponygirl, Ponyboy - A classic S&M fantasy immortalised in the drawings of John Willie and used in the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Ann Rice. Typical pony garb includes a horsehair tail attached to a buttplug, a bit gag and/or bridle headharness, and reins. Often very high heels, a corset, and feather plumes in the hair are added. The arms are typically bound behind the back. Pony activities range from being displayed and directed by rein to being ridden or pulling a cart.

Pony play - A submissive trained to portray and act like a pony.  Some will wear saddles and give rides, others will pull carts. 

Pony training - The fanciful transformation of a girl or boy into "pony" to be ridden, to pull a carriage, or to perform as a well-trained horse in obedience and deportment. Guess where you wear the tail.

Popper- A liquid that is sniffed and increases the heart rate and blood pressure.  Some perceive that they get a rush or light headed.  Common name- amyl nitrite.  Some perceive it intensities the orgasm. 

Position training - The training of a submissive to assume a given position upon command or under certain circumstances.

Post-op- Post operative, one who has completed transgender surgery.

Post orgasmic pain or cramps- Caused by relocation and contraction of the uterus, or uterus tilting or rotating.  Pain or cramps often occur around the low abdomen, perineum, anus and tailbone.  Orgasm burns a lot of hormones and neurotransmitter acetylcholine, resulting an abrupt drop of PGE-1 production in the tissues causing the pain or cramps.

Post-scene plunge - Feelings of let-down, depression, fear, disgust, remorse, etc, after participating in S&M play. Are capable of experienced by either the dominant or submissive.

Power exchange - The empowerment of the Dominant by the submissive’s surrender to his/her controll. Power exchange is consensual and ought to be well negotiated. The depth of the power yielded by the submissive is equal to level of responsibility assumed by the Dominant.

Power exchange levels - A system for linking deemed emotional involvement and depth of feeling with degree of power exchange. The Five Levels are: 1) Conditional compliance, 2) Restricted ongoing acquiescence, 3) Provisional submission, 4) the Covenant of dominance and submission, and 5) Absolute ownership.

Pro-Domme- Usually a Professional Dominatrix that charges for her service.  Does not include sex.

Property- A term used for those that “live” as property to their Owner.

Prostrate Milking- Massaging the prostate internally (with butt plug, dildo or finger) causing ejaculation without touching the penis.  This is used to frustrate males and removes the orgasms.  Commonly used in combination with masturbating the male subbie as least once a day, every day just to the edge of orgasm and then putting him in a chastity device.

Protector- Someone who watches over a submissive when asked by the submissive or by the submissive's Dominant/Domme.  Sometimes a protector will take the place of Dominant or Domme at an event or function. 

Protocol- There are no set protocols or rules for BDSM in general.  Some organisations within the BDSM community have protocol or rules.  Usually one will find normal manners and courtesy just like the rest of society.  Customs/protocol vary from city to city, state to state, country to country.  You might try to find out what is considered local community rules/protocol and use your common sense on which you choose to use or not use.  You will usually find specific play party protocol/rules and those you agree to follow while attending the play party. 

Provisional submission - An ongoing relationship negotiated between a dom and a sub characterised by power exchange and emotional involvement, but lacking serious commitment. [see Power exchange levels]

Psychological bondage - Being forced to remain in a position by orders of the Dominant or Domme.  Kind of rope less bondage.

Psychosexual - Emotionality, attitudes, orientations, or mind sets associated with erotic behaviour or sexual fantasy life.

Pubic hair sculpturing- To remove some pubic hair so what is left forms a pattern.  i.e. padlock, arrow or heart.

Public sex/outdoor play- Humans who enjoy engaging in sex and/or play in outdoor spaces.  Others watching may or may not be part of this activity.

Punch fisting- A very extreme and rarely used form of fisting.

Punitive pain - Pain that by intention is designed to hurt for nonerotic purposes, usually for punishment. This is abusive and often motivated by a misunderstanding of suittable controll mechanisms.

Punishment- There is punishment within play, called play punishment.  These are usually activities done so the bottom gets enjoyment from them.  Discipline punishment is real and is painful and not meant for pleasure. 

Puppy - A submissive that is trained to portray and act like a dog. 

Pushing limits - 1) A careful process of gradual expansion of limits. 2) Intense play that comes close to the unbearable. [see Edge play]

Pushy bottom-  One who pushes the Dominant or Domme demanding attention.

PVC - poly-vinyl-chloride - 1) A type of plastic used for fetish clothing. 2) The PVC pipes made for plumbing that can be constructed into bondage devices.

Q

Quirt - A corporal toy that looks something like a crop with a flexible, whip-like cracker at the end.

Queening- The Dominant or Domme sits on the side of the submissive's face as a form of bondage.

Queer- Term used to cover lesbians, gays, bisexuals, omnisexuals, transsexuals, pansexual and transgender. 

Quick release- A device to quickly get a human free without requiring to spend time in an emergency situation. 

R

RACK- Risk Aware Consensual Kink.  Also a medieval torture device.

Ramping- A process the Dominant or Domme does taking a certain activity and slowly builds it up to a peak, holding the sub at the peak for a while and then slowly coming back down so that the endorphins/high and the feeling of closeness aren't lost.

Rape fantasy- A mental imagining (sexual fantasy) about rape, a fictional story about a rape, or an acted out scene of pretend rape between consenting adults. For the reason that real-world rape is a violent crime, the choice of rape as a subject for fantasy is very disturbing to some humans.

Rebreathing- An extreme form of breath controll.  One breathes into an airtight enclosure as the oxygen is exhausted and replaced with exhaled carbon dioxide.  Warning:Very dangerous and suffocation is capable of occuring.

Restraint
- Commonly straps with buckles.  Usually for fastening body parts together.  i.e. ankles, elbows, legs, wrists.

Restricted Ongoing Acquiescence - An agreement, negotiated by a Dominant or Domme and submissive, to play casually for an extended period of time without serious emotional involvement. [see Power exchange levels]

Restriction- Limiting someone's movement or action.  i.e. limiting movement, making the subbies eyes be to the ground at all times.

Resistance- The submissive's attempt to retreat or fight doing as ordered. 

Respect- To experience or show honour or esteem for. 

Responsible/Responsibility- Being responsible for you own conduct.  You are accountable, answerable, obligated, for your own actions and choices.  
In BDSM you ought to not fall into the trap of thinking/believing/fantasy: 
In the end the Dominant or Domme is the one responsible or has the responsibility.  
In the end the submissive/bottom/slave is the one responsible or has the responsibility.  
Bottom line-- You are the only one responsible for you.

Retifism - Shoe fetish.  A retifist becomes focused on the shoe for arousal.  Some only require one shoe and not a human to be satisfied.  A retifist will make love to a shoe-licking, caressing, etc.

Riding crop- Intended for use on horses.  Long rod with loop of leather on the end. 

Rigid irons- A form of restraint for the limbs (and neck) wherby the restrained limbs are held at a fixed distance from each other. The restraints are typically made from steel strips bent and hinged at each end to secure the wrist or ankle, then locked together in the middle by a bolt requiring an allen key to unscrew.

Rimming - Common term for anilingus (anal-oral sex). To insert one's tongue into another's anus/arse.

Ring Gag - A device that keeps the submissive's mouth wide open. Also called a "piss gag"

Ritual- Specific conduct or action.  Common: For a submissive to have a set mantra to say each morning when they wake up and one when they go to bed.

Ritual Sex- Sex performed with specific rules of conduct

R/L- Real life.

RPG- Role Play Games

R/T- Real time.

Role play - 1) Elaboration of one’s sexual inclinations by creating a fantasy framework for them. 2) Humans with compatible sexual fantasies taking on complimentary persona to interact with each other.

Role Play Games - Taking fantasy roles in BDSM scenes. For example, nurse or doctor/patient, etc.

Roman Showers- Where the Dominant or Domme vomits on the bottom, eating of the vomit might be part of this play. 

Rope - The most common of bondage equipment.

Rope bondage- As the name suggests, the practise of tying humans up with rope.
 

  • Japanese Bondage (aka Shibari) – Considered to be the most artistic of all bondage styles, and arguably the most beautiful, involves using rope patterns that originated in Japan. The art of Japanese bondage is not necessarily in the knowledge of these patterns or how to tie the positions, though rather in creating a sensation of freedom and beauty within the ropes.
  • Suspension Bondage - More experienced riggers usually venture into partial suspension and then full suspension bondage with their bottom. The bondage can be either Western or Japanese in style, however more often the latter.
  • Speed Bondage - This is capable of being one of the most perceived difficult styles of rigging, as not only ought to you be incredibly fast (while still being safe), however more often than not the bottom is struggling to maintain the role of a perceived victim being bound against their. It is not easy to tie someone who is struggling and fighting back.
  • Sex Bondage - Bondage for sex is literally the tying of the bottom in a position that is accessible for oral, anal and/or vaginal sex. It may be Western, Japanese, suspension, etc., as long as the sex organs are available to be penetrated when the tie is complete.


Rope bunny - A human being tied during a public demonstration of rope bondage, also a human being tied in a more private setting who is acting more in the role of a collaborative partner than as a submissive.

Rope dress – [see Oriental bondage, rope dress]

Rubber - 1) After leather, the most popular fetish material. 2) A condom is a barrier device most commonly used during sexual intercourse to reduce the likelihood of pregnancy and spreading sexually transmitted dis-ease

Rules- There are no protocols or rules in BDSM, except the ones between those involved.  There are normal manners and courtesy just as with the rest of society.

S

S.A.D.- Smart ass Dom/me.  They are known to do or say things such as: The submissive begs to cum, the Dominant or Domme looks perplexed and says "silly, you are already here." 

S.A.M.or Sammie- Smart ass masochist.  SAMs are capable of being a great deal of work, especially if they are the type to attempt to controll everything the Top does, your energy will be spent attempting to controll them.

Sadism, Sadist - Deriving sexual pleasure from the giving of pain, humiliation, and/or domination. The honourable sadist only gives pain or humiliation to those desiring it, respects limits, is caring and careful.

Sadomasochism, SM - Advanced sexual practices incorporating the consensual use of pain, humiliation, and power exchange for erotic enjoyment. S&M includes dominance and submission, bondage and discipline, love bondage, and erotic spanking. The term is frequently misused to indicate heavier or more extreme practices.

Sadomasomythology - The misconceptions of society in regard to what sadomasochism actually entails. Also, an ill-informed idea about a particular practice within S&M.

Safe, sane, and consensual - Characterises the acceptable play within the S&M community; players adhere to safety precautions within their activities, do not participate in practices that will injure their partners (mentally or physically), and obtain consent by negotiating scenes and scene related activities before carrying them out.

Safe sex, Safer sex - Practicing sex where in no body fluids are exchanged; includes the use of condoms on insertion toys as well as penises, dental dams, or plastic wrap for cunnilingus, cleanliness with regard to corporal toys, abstention from penetration, etc. Disclaimer: Remember the most paramount action that you are capable of taking to reduce the risk of passing dis-ease.  In general you are ot required to worry about saliva, perspiration, urine or feces on the exterior of the human body.  You are required to be concerned about blood, semen and vaginal secretions that go from one to another.  Always check with a trusted medical physician, medical authority, or dis-ease controll for the latest information about cleaning of toys and dis-ease transmission.

Safe word, Safe signal
- A word, a phrase, or an action (like dropping a bail by a gagged submissive) used by the submissive as a signal to stop the scene or reduce the intensity.

Safety Net - a human or humans who take the responsibility to make sure that your real life meeting with a prospective play partner is safe. This is capable of ranging from actually “chaperoning” the meeting to setting up “safe calls” and so forth. This is a requirement for submissive's, not an option, as it is the only defence they have against predators, rapists, and con artists. Learn how to set one up and set them up religiously. Even vanilla human females ought to learn to do this!

Safety scissors- Also called paramedic or EMT sheers.  Rounded ends, heavy blade for cutting through rope and leather in an emergency situation.

St. Andrew’s cross - An upright cross in the shape of the letter "X" to which humans are bound to for flogging or torture.

Scarfing- Breath controll by means of using a scarf or scarf-like object as a ligature around the neck. Appears to have originated in the United States. Warning: Not for beginners, This is dangerous

Scat - Involves human feces. This is capable of ranging from eating feces to being watched while having a bowel movement, being made to wear a diaper and soil them to having an enema done.  Warning: Be concerned of bacterial infection that might be caused by ingestion of feces, it is capable of being fatal.

Scene
- 1) The S&M or fetish community; or things associated with it. 2) An occurrence or session of S&M play.

Scene friendly - Familiarity with, and acceptance of the S&M scene and S&M players, usually refers to a professional’s attitude (-therapist, -lawyer, etc.)

Scene gear - The S&M (and often vanilla) toys are play with. [see Gear]

Scold's Bridle- A lockable metal cage which encloses the head, with an integrated metal protrusion which goes into the wearer's mouth, preventing speech. Also called a "brank" or sometimes "branks." It was modelled after a similar device used in Medieval times to punish gossipy or "troublesome" human females.

Scourge- A specific type of flogger which usually has two or three long, heavy lashes attached to a rigid handle.

Self bondage- Bondage done to oneself.  Warning: This is capable of being a dangerous activity especially when combined with auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Sensation Play
- Any BDSM activity involving creating unusual sensations on a human, who may be blindfolded, as with ice cubes, soft fur or cloth, coarse materials, and the like. Sensation play is much more mild than pain play and may or may not include an element of power exchange.

Sensory deprivation - Restricting or diluting a submissive’s ability to use one or more of his/her senses of touch, hearing, sight, taste, or smell as a part of an S&M scene.

Sensory enhancement- To increase arousal by increased body sensations.

Sensory relocation - Transferring the experience of a stimuli to a different body location than it is received.

Sensual play - S&M play that focuses on stimulating the senses without the use of pain.

Service - Acts, chores, or labour, sexual or otherwise, performed by a submissive for the benefit of a Dominant or Domme..

Service D/s- A specific type of D/s centred around the submissive serving the Dominantin practical ways, as by bringing the Dominant food or drink and so on. For humans involved in service D/s, sexual submission may or may not be a part of the relationship.

Session - A scene. [see Scene]

Serpent’s Tongue - A type of slapper made of a thick strap of leather, two or three inches wide, with a deep "V" cut into most of the length of the piece. Commonly, the handle will have a double thickness with a ring stitched at the end. This is a very nasty toy.

Sexual deprivation- Usually used to build a submissive to mind blowing orgasms. 

Sexual imprinting, reimprinting - There is a school of thought stating that sexual responses result from imprinting based on past associations, experiences, background, and environment, often dating back to early childhood. Altering sexual behavior by changing responses and creating new associations is a technique called reimprinting.

Sexual magic, sensual magic - Positive descriptive terms for sadomasochism.

Sexual Masochist - A human that is capable of experiencing profound arousal and/or euphoria from controlled doses of pain and other extreme stimuli.

Sexual Sadist - A human that is capable of experiencing profound arousal and/or euphoria from inflicting carefully controlled doses of pain and other extreme stimuli on sexual Masochists. They do not generally enjoy inflicting pain for its own sake. Nor do they enjoy using such stimuli on humans that do not find it pleasurable.

Shaving- Removal of body hair commonly done with a razor.

Silent alarm - A safety precaution used by players who are new to one another. For example: a submissive, playing with a Dominant for the first time, might arrange for a friend to be near a telephone at a pre-arranged time. If the submissive does not call at that time, the friend will be alerted that something has gone erroneous and will take steps to see that the submissive is safe.

Sissification, feminization - A practise desired by a male sub of "forced" cross-dressing and/or gender reassignment.

Slapper - A flexible semi-rigid strap used like a paddle.

Slave - A title of endearment and ownership given to sexual submissive's that are participating in Master/slave lifestyles or role-playing. This usually signifies that the submissive wears the “Collar” of a particular Dominant. Alternatively used (voluntarily) as a title of respect for submissive's that have served the BDSM community as a whole. Similar titles include, boy, girl, or sissy. In the scene community sometimes used loosely as another word for submissive.

Slave Auction- An event sometimes held at play parties, conventions catering to BDSM participants, and the similar, in which submissives are auctioned off for the use by the highest bidder in some context or for a set period of time. Slave auctions are sometimes held at BDSM-related events to raise money for charity.

Slavegirl/boy- A title/term for those that "live" as a submissive. 

Slave contract - A written agreement elaborating the terms, goals, and limits of an S&M relationship.

Slave training - The processes of: instructing a submissive in a Dominant’s preferences, and, conditioning the submissive’s behavior.

Sling A cross between a swing and a hammock in which a bottom may be comfortably suspended.

Slut - A human female who engages in sex with anyone.

S&M Sado Masochism 

S&M positive A sympathetic or accepting attitude toward sadomasochism and/or S&M play and players. [see Scene friendly]

S&M virgin A human with little or no experience in S&M practices.

Smart Ass Masochist, SAM A bottom, who rather than submitting, challenges or annoys to entice a dom to punish her. [see Brat]

Snowballing or semen swapping A human sexual practise in which one partner takes into their mouth the semen of another human, and then 'swaps' it to the mouth of another through kissing.

Soft Limit A limit which is not necessarily be set in stone; however which may be flexible or may change over time.

Spandex A very stretchable synthetic cloth used for fetish clothing and bondage gear.

Spanking Striking a submissive, usually with an open hand, on her fanny. Some use this term to include paddling, as well.

Spanking bench A piece of stationary equipment with attachment points to designed to secure a submissive in preparation for a spanking. Properly bound or positioned on a spanking bench, the submissive’s arse is in an accessible, convenient angle for a spanking or whipping.

Spanking skirt A skirt or dress with cut-outs over each fanny cheek, designed to allow bare-skinned spanking. The spanking skirt is a classic piece of scene-wear that enhances humiliation/exhibitionism aside from its practical application.

Speculum A medical instrument for opening and expanding vagina or anus/arse. 

Spider Gag A specific type of ring gag featuring a central ring to which short rods or metal extensions are fitted, so as to hold the mouth open and keep the lips open as well.

Spinner A slang term used primarily in the adult film industry and the sex worker industry to refer to an actress or prostitute with a tiny frame, usually very thin and having small breasts.

Spiritual BDSM Religious, esoteric or pagan path to consensual BDSM slavery.

Spreader bar A strong bar, usually wooden, bamboo, or metal, with rings or holes on each end, used as a bondage tool to keep a submissive’s arms or legs apart.

Squeeze signal Non verbal safe word.  Usually done by squeezing the other humans hand to signal something is not going well

SSC Safe, Sane and Consensual- one of the catch phrases you will hear in the BDSM world.  The term SSC was brought to the BDSM world in 1987 in Washington at the Gay and Lesbian march (it had existed in the gay men's leather community prior to that time).  Some human beieve that it is only way one is capable of preforming BDSM and some humans perceive the opposite and even others think just use common sense.

S = Safe- Free from danger.  
S = Sane- Mentally healthy; rational.  
C = Consensual- (Consent) To agree, permit, permission, approval.

St. Andrews Cross Usually made of wood in the shape of an X.  The submissive is tied to the X to spread arms, legs or both. 

Stapling Medical stapler is used to staple the body.  i.e. labia lips stapled together, edge of cock to leg or abdomen.  Warning- Not for the untrained.

STD
Sexual Transmitted Dis-ease.

Sting A sharp biting sensation to the surface of the skin.

Stocks A device (usually wooden) with holes designed to imprison a submissive’s wrists and head, or wrists and ankles. [see Pillory]

Stone butch Masculine human female, commonly mistaken for a man.  Quite common to not want herself touched on the genitals for sex or has trouble expressing or showing her emotions or not wanting to be touched at all.  Some stone butches have some or all of these traits. 

Stone femme- Ultra feminine human female.  Quite common to not want herself touched on the genitals for sex or has trouble expressing or showing her emotions or not wanting to be touched at all.  Some stone femmes have some or all of these traits. 

Stoplight safe words - A commonly used system of safe words wherein red means stop the scene immediately and release the sub, yellow warns the dominant that the current practice is pushing the submissive’s endurance, and green lets the dominant know that what is happening is awfully nice and should be continued.

Straight - 1) Code word for heterosexual. 2) Adjective for someone or something that is not SM oriented. In this sense, a synonym for vanilla.

Strap - 1) As a noun, this is either a bondage restraint (usually leather with a buckle) or an instrument of corporal punishment (also, usually leather sans the buckle). 2) As a verb, it is the act of binding or beating a submissive with a strap.

Strap-on- A dildo harness.  Commonly one that is located in the crotch area or on the thigh.

Strobe Light- Some think it adds a mesmerizing feel to play/scene, others perceive that it disorients the submissives.  WARNING: Strobe lights or flickering candles are capable of triggering hidden epilepsy seizures.  This activity ought not to be done in a public setting or demo/lecture/workshop, you are capable of causing someone a seizure by your use of a strobe light.

Subbie
- common endearment for a sexual submissive, usually (however not always) for a female submissive.


Submissive, Sub - One who surrenders controll of her or his body and behaviour (within pre-defined limitations) to another for erotic play.

Sub drop- Are capable of lasting from a few minutes to a few days.  submissive's are capable of experiencing all saddness to being upset to clingy to jittery to angry to experiencing a sense of being lost.  
A few of the contributing factors:
The sudden loss of endorphins and in some cases the loss of adrenalin, the emotional high that ends, the end of the euphoric sensations and the end of feeling the closeness between you.  sub's are capable of of experiencing guilt, shame, depression, their reactions to things are capable of being a millions times stronger than normal for them.  The loss of the intense connection with their Dominant or Domme and if they are not living together add them experiencing an empty and toss in separation anxiety to the mix.  They will may perceive equal to a sensation as they were pushed out of an airplane without a parachute.  If edge play has been done there might be anger from the submissive from experiencing violated or that their limits were broken or they may be very emotional and require to feel loved, wanted, etc. for the reason that they are now at a new place you have pushed them to.  Even greater anger or emotional upset if not enough aftercare is done by the Dominant or Domme.  The key is to recognise sub drop and know it will end very soon.  Dominant or Domme's your job is to give TONS of reassurance, and submissives you require to give reassurance back to your Dominant or Domme, both of you require to hear how much fun it was, how great things went, how much you love each other, etc.


Sub-space- [see: Bottom-space]

Submissive uniform - A common mode of dress worn by submissives emphasizing their sexuality, usually very short skirts, revealing tops, high heels, and stockings supported by a garter belt or bustier.

Suspension - A bondage technique wherein the submissive’s weight, totally or partially, is borne by the restraints used in the bondage. Great care must be exercised in this practise; usually, bondage harnesses and suspension cuffs are used in suspension.

Suspension cuffs - Wrist and/or ankle restraints designed specifically for safe suspension. [see Cuff, Cuffing; Suspension]

Switch - 1) A human who enjoys taking either side in S&M role or physical play; i.e. top or bottom, Dominant/Domme or submissive. 2) A slender flexible branch from a tree or bush used for corporal punishment.

Sybian- One popular variety of commercially-available sex machineconsisting of a dildo affixed to a dome-shaped saddle which the user sits on. It gives the ultimate in sexual  stimulation and is primarily used for sexual gratification though hundreds have had their first orgasm ever when using it.

T

Take down play- The Dominant or Domme verbally and physically takes the submissive down (might include body slamming), usually to the floor/bed/piece of equipment etc. usually restraining them.  While the submissive resists verbally as well as physically struggles/fights/hits/kicks, etc. while attempting not to be taken down.  It is capable of appearing to those observing as non-consensual, when it is consensual. 

Talon - Worn over finger(s), metal with sharp points.  Can be used for scratching or causing shivers, or both.

Tantric Yoga, Vajrayana Buddhism- Is meditative, spontaneous and intimate lovemaking.  Human males are capable of prolonging the act of sexual intercourse and delay their orgasm indefinitely, as well as having a post-orgasm energy boost rather than the perceived normal energy drain. Human females are capable of having unending orgasms.  There is no goal in Tantric sex, only the present moment of perfect and harmonious union.  Tantra teaches you to revere your sexual partner and to transform the act of sex into a sacrament of love.  Kama Sutra positions are commonly used. There are many paths to enlightenment and erotic exploration is one.

Tampon training - Rectal insertion of tampons by male submissives to empathise with the human female menstrual cycle.

Tawes. taws - Thick rigid leather with a lengthwise slit (or slits) in it used in a paddle-like fashion.

Thud - A blow that is felt at a deeper level than sting, Thud is usually easier to tolerate, but may actually be more damaging as it can cause deeper bruising.

Tit torture - Erotic play involving the breasts.

Tolleyboy - A locking chastity belt made in England of rubber-lined stainless steel.

Top - One who takes the active role in physical scene, but not necessarily emotional/mental control.

Top's dis-ease - A state of self-delusion wherein the Top believes his or her own fantasy of dominant superiourity.

Top drop - it is similar to sub drop and often occurs the next day after a scene.

Topping from the bottom - Maintaining the fiction that the top is in charge, where the real controll and direction of a scene rests with the bottom. [see also, Bottoming from the top]

Top-space - A state of erotically altered consciousness (EAC) achieved during a scene by the dominant or top. It is characterised by feelings of intense focus, clarity of thought, a sense of extreme power or high energy, and/or exhilaration. Feelings of distance and objectivity, as if one where commanding from a mountaintop, may paradoxically accompany feelings of connection to the submissive, as if there were a psychic link. A dispassionate perspective may combine with erotic ardor. Top space may be followed by either a continued sense of well-being or by feelings of fatigue, depression, or lethargy. [see Post-scene plunge]

Torture - Actions that would be painful outside of their erotic context used to enhance sexual pleasure for a bottom.

Total conversion or the "ouchless ouch" - Whips strokes or corporal stimuli delivered during an erotic scene that begins light and rises gradually. The level of sexual arousal is always kept at a high enough level so that the blows are never experienced subjectively as pain.

Training - Any of many disciplines wherein the Dominant and submissive act together to modify the submissive’s behaviour, condition, and/or attitude. Includes, however it is not restricted to; pony training, anal training, position training, voice command response, and so on.

Transgender- A human who has had an operation to change their birth sex.  

Transsexual- A human who believes their birth sex was incorrect and lives completely in the gender opposite of their birth sex.  

Transvestite- A human that regularly dresses in clothing of the opposite sex.  Usually not dressing up for play. 

Triple penetration- Having three openings filled at once.  Anus/arse, vagina, urethra or mouth. Commonly anus/vagina/mouth.  

True/Real Dominant/Domme/Top/Master/Mistress- It does not have anything to do with quality and technical knowledge does not make for experienced. To call oneself true/real implies that any other form of dominance is less or false. There is no perceived right or wrong way to be a Dominant/Domme/Top/Master/Mistress, it depends on the desires of those involved. 

True/Real submissive/slave/bottom- It does not have anything to do with quality and technical knowledge does not make for experienced. To call oneself true/real implies that any other form of submission is less or false. There is no perceived right or wrong way to be a submissive/slave/bottom, it depends on the desires of those involved. 

True submission (also called sub heart)- It is an art. It goes far beyond just serving, being trained, punished or rewarded. You immerse yourself as deeply as you are capable of  into being controlled by your Dominant/Domme. It is considered to be a mental, spiritual, and physical, not just a means to arousal. You lose ability to do anything except obey, auto responsive. 

Trust- The foundation on which BDSM is built.  It is not one sided.  The Dominant/Domme is required to trust the submissive to handle responsibility and abide by the rules set for them.  The submissive has to trust the Dominant/Domme with their life and trust the Dominant/Domme to not emotionally, mentally or physically abuse them.  Both are required  to get from the other: Truthfulness, honesty, to not ever abandon, to not ever cheat, to keep commitments/promises and their word, and be open about everything. 

TS, Transsexual - A human who born in a physical gender that does not match his or her personal psychology. These humans are commonly going through "gender reassignment" by means of counselling, hormone treatments, and surgery to correct their situation. A TS is called a "pre-op" before surgical modification and a "post-op" afterwards.

TV, Transvestite - A human male or female dressing in the clothing of the opposite gender.

True Master/True submissive - A term of self-description usually used by incompetent newcomers or lost-in-fantasy others to entice a people to play with them. The "True Submissive" (or more typically "Tue slave") is one who buys into the nonsense that the "Tue Master" is selling. "True sadomasochism" is also used to allude to a non-existent, "genuine" standard of S&M excellence.

U

Ugol's Law- If anyone asks 'Am I the only one who _____?', the answer is always 'NO'

Urethral play- Play involving urethra.  Commonly used are sounds and catheters. WARNING: This is risky for the simple reason that you are capable of damaging the urethra.

V

Vampire glove - Vampire gloves are most often thin leather driving gloves that have sharp, metal tines or tacks lining the palms. The tines are typically snap, or rhinestone settings that are poked through the leather from the inside and glued in place, though some very mean gloves utilize thumb or carpet tacks. Fur mitts can be embellished with tines in the same manner, yielding textures from very nice to yowee!

Vanilla - Describes things, activities and humans who are not part of the S&M scene, for example; "We had vanilla sex last night," meaning, "We had sex without including any S&M scene elements."

Verbal humiliation/abuse - The use of sexual epithets and similar verbalizations to excite or humble one’s partner. Verbal humiliation is good when it is used to support the value of the submissive. It becomes abuse when it is used to tear down the self-esteem of the sub. The line between the two is not always clear and may vary within one human’s psyche depending upon mood. Use with caution and sensitivity.

VD- Venereal dis-ease. 

Vibrator- Object that vibrates for sexual stimulation.  Some are insertable, some remote controlled.

Victim - a victim of abuse that claims to be in a BDSM “lifestyle” to rationalise/legitimise their tragic situation.

Victorian play- Centred around civility, proper etiquette, proper positions, gender defines the behaviour.


Virgin rapture - Period of time (often years long) wherein newcomers are so overwhelmed by SM that they think the world revolves around it and can never imagine returning to any other form of sexuality. When the infatuation ends feelings of disappointment and loss are common. It may be reassuring to know that this is a normal process as S&M is integrated into a person’s sexuality.

Vinyl A material used for fetish fashions. [see PVC]

Violet wand A static electricity generator, frequently with multiple glass attachments including: globes, thin tubes, fork-shaped tubes, etc., used to send virtually harmless, violet-coloured static "lightning" to a submissive’s skin.

Visualisation The use of story-telling and verbal fantasy sharing to achieve a mood or desired mind set prior to, or during a scene.

Vominatrix A dominatrix who specialises in making her clients vomit.

Voyeurism Getting sexual pleasure from watching someone else scene or have sex.


W

Wannabe- A disparaging term for a human, usually a self-identified Dominant who is inexperienced yet assumes knowlege or experience far exceeding his or her actual degree of expertise.

Wartenberg Wheel- A small implement consisting of a short handle to which is affixed a small wheel with a number of sharp needle-like projections around its outer edge. Used by neurologists to test nerve function in the skin and by humans in the BDSM ommunity for Sensation Play.

Water sports - Any of a class of activities involving urination, often urination on a human.

Wax play- The Dominant/Domme dribbles or pours melted wax on the sub, usually on various body parts. There are low burning and hot burning waxes, so be sure you know what type you are using so not to accidentally burn the sub. Candles with metal flecks are capable of causing burning. Different colours also heat differently. Beeswax ought to be left for those with experience. Votive or alter candles are the most common used in wax play. WARNING: Flickering candles or strobe lights are capable of triggering hidden epilepsy seizures. This activity is not advisable in a public setting, since you are capable of causing someone a seizure by your use of a candle or strobe light.

Weights
- Lead fishing weights or other weights hung from clamps that are attached to the body to increase torment. [see Clamps, Clamping]

Whip - A whip is an object used to beat on a submissive. Many humans in the scene use the term whip to include canes, crops, lashes paddles, slappers, etc., as well as single- and multiple-lash whips.

Whipping - 1) The act of beating a submissive or bottom. 2) Finishing a rope-end to prevent fraying by wrapping it with thread or string.

White lightning - A common nickname for a white fiber glass or resin rod often with a leather or rubber handle that is used as a cane. Being much more dense than rattan, it can inflict deeper damage and the feel is described as "cutting." [see Cane]

Worship - 1) To lavish attentions upon a part of the body, usually feet, pussy or cock. 2) A role playing attitude toward a dominant, typically of a male sub toward his goddess/mistress.

Wrapping - Allowing the tips of a whip or cane to strike parts of the body other than the intended target. For example, aiming for the fanny and hitting it, but the tips of the whip wrap around the fanny and strike the hip. Bruising on the hips is often a sign of a careless or incompetent top who is frequently unaware of the damage that is occurring.

Wrist cuffs - Restraints designed to fit the wrists. [see Cuff, Cuffing]

X

X-frame - A stationary bondage frame in the shape of an "X", usually mounted in a horizontal position. [see St. Andrew's cross]

Y

Yoni worship- Worship of the human female genitals

Z

Zooerasty-: Arousal from animals

Zoophilia- Arousal from animals

Zwischenstufe- Arousal from a human of the same sex

 

  • Safe: both humans know the risks and have minimised them to both human's satisfaction.
  • Sane: Both are capable of knowing what they are getting into, and are capable of informed consent
  • Consensual: Both consent to what is happening and have a reasonable idea of what they are consenting to. The consent is free and not coerced by fear of something nasty happening, whether that nasty is physical harm or the fear of the partner leaving, or of being called a wimp or an unskilled top or whatever.


2) Is your play informed by Trust, Care, and Respect?

  • Trust: Your partner behaves predictably, you are not walking on eggshells around them not knowing if they will go ballistic at something that was okay yesterday. You know what they will do, and you are happy with what they will do.
  • Care: Your partner cares about your welfare, your perceived emotional and physical wellbeing. Even "slaves" ought to be cared about.
  • Respect: Your partner respects you as a human being, they respect your choices, your abilities. They ought to value you as more than a convenient body.


3) Does the favourable outweigh the unfavourable?

  • In any BDSM relationship there will be times when the awful feelings seem overwhelming. However if that seems to be always happening, then there is a perceived problem. You may often have awful moments, awful days. Nevertheless, you ought to not be having mostly dreadful times, and you ought to be getting enough high-quality times.


4) Are you getting your requirements met?

  • Each partner has the entitlement to get what they require out of the relationship. Are you getting what you require? Not just BDSM requirements, (although they are important to you) though physical and perceived emotional requirements as well. If you are getting almost all it most likely you are in what is deemed of as being a healthy relationship.


5) Look, Do not touch!

  • In the context of the Lifestyle, it is often considered rude to touch another human or their toys and equipment without first receiving permission. This is capable of being particular importance if it involves a collared submissive or slave, however is basic etiquette for everyone. Physical contact is capable of being very powerful and personal. If unwelcomed, it is violating. To the practitioners of BDSM, their toys are also very intimate objects, imbued with the powerful sensations they express when they use them. They are our sex toys. Handling someone else's toys without permission is capable of having the same impact as fondling their physical body without permission In the relationship of a true Master and slave, the slave is their property and by touching the slave without permission you are touching something that means a great deal to them.


The expansion of modern psychiatric theories, and the co-option(s) of such theoretical scientific classification into common usage of the term "Sadomasochism" are complex by the multiplicity of intent in application. The two words conjoined were originally chosen to create the classification in professional scientific terminology to identify what was perceived of as being a human behavioural phenomena intended for the classification of distinct psychological illnesses/malicious social and sexual orientations. Donatien Alphonse François, Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch were the two Roman Catholic authors the terms were derived from, based on their popular writings.

In 1890 CE in the work Neue Forschungen auf dem Gebiet der Psychopathia sexualis ("New research in the area of Psychopathy of Sex") Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing, who was a Austro-German sexologist and psychiatrist, introduced the terms "Sadism" and "Masochism" into institutional medical terminology.

Allow me to attempt to clearly construct this point, in the latter 20th century CE, BDSM activists have protested against these conceptual modells, which were originally derived from correlaries to the philosophies of two singular historical figures and implying a clear psycho-pathological concept.

Similarly, a Dominant desires to exercise emotional or relational controll over another. A submissive wants to experience such controll. Again, there might be a sexual element, or there might not. Such an element is not necessarily mutual.

There are many humans around the world who engage in BDSM activities, for instance bondage or spanking, though insist they are “not into that BDSM stuff.” Usually, it is for the simple reason that they have an unclear idea in their minds regarding what BDSM really is.. If a guy or girl enjoys being spanked, or being held down, subsequently they are into BDSM. A guy or girl who enjoys exercising emotional or relational controll over another is also subsequently into BDSM.

Humans come to the practise of BDSM for many different reasons and on many different levels.

Many humans come across a BDSM relationship and only perceive the physical aspect of what is deemed as play, that many of the participants in the lifestyle seem to enjoy. What they believe that they are witness to is one human being beating another. What they do not seem to witness, or choose to rebuff, is what has led up to what they view. They do not understand the process or events that led up to creating the relationship the way it is. They do not perceive the gratification that each participant is receiving. They are unable of recognise what they are viewing ands choose to rest on their training that in Western society striking a human female is domestic violence and abuse.

Western society teaches that under any circumstances physical expression is judged as morally wrong. For the reason of this, when someone looks at a typical BDSM relationship all they choose to witness, for the most part, is the striking or beating of a human female or male.

Just as homosexuality is no longer considered a mental illness, BDSM is also no longer viewed as pathological by the majority of the psychological community. Though just as the general public has not fully understood or accepted homosexuality, it has not fully accepted BDSM. In the intellectual and psychological communities, BDSM is mostly gaining a wider reception and is now thought to be, or deemed as being a lifestyle choice.

* Note in point.
 




BDSM is now defined in the DSM-IV as; one is required to have the fantasies, urges, etc., and the fact that one does have, they ought to make them effectively dysfunctional in an important area of their life.

302.83 Sexual Masochism
In order for BDSM to be a disorder BOTH A and B are required to be present:

A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours involving the act (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, bound or otherwise made to suffer.

B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Denmark has, as the first European country, taken the political decision to remove S&qmp;M as a diagnosis.

In 1995CE, as the first EU country, Denmark withdrew sadomasochism completely as a diagnosis by a political decision in the government. The decision is founded on research showing S&qmp;M or sadomasochism to be no dis-ease.

Norwegian version of the international diagnoses register (ICD-10)

The Norwegian Directorate of Health announced February 1, 2010, that the diagnoses of Fetishism, Fetishistic transvestism, Sadomasochism, Multiple disorders of sexual preference and dual-role transvestism, have been repealed from Norway’s official list of medical diagnoses by 1.02.10.

Some practitioners of BDSM ask why does the field of psychiatry even concern itself with sexual behaviour that is consensual and adult. Why label and judge any such behaviour that they do as being “sick”?  The answer that we found is that in Western society, especially the USA, sexuality is for the most part still very Puritanical, i.e. straight, married, monogamous, private, not-for-hire, procreative, and what is deemed of as being "vanilla".

Even though the DSM-IV has changed its perception on BDSM now stating “The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours” ought to "cause" clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning” in order for sexual sadism or masochism to be considered a disorder, Psychiatry as a whole seems to still :pathologize BDSM. This seems to contribute to the perceived shame, secrecy, isolation and self-loathing that humans hold onto within the BDSM community. Outside the BDSM community, it seems to justify laws criminalizing S/M behaviour as well as discrimination in job and housing areas.  Though some psychiatrists are now moving towards regarding sadism and masochism not as disorders in and of themselves, although only as disorders when associated with other perceived problems such as a personality disorder. Humans who practise BDSM, as well as many psychiatrists, do not view these practises as disordered now.

Students of some Feminist psychological concepts have opposed the lifestyle choice concept on moral grounds.BDSM, in their opinion, goes against what they have determined as being the more desired concept of self-independence and are not equated to the equality of the sexes.  The students that do still choose to hold on to their perceptions do not choose to view it as a lifestyle choice and is not destructive to the submissive’s self-image.

Pleasure itself is a vital subject within feminist discourse. In her essay "Power and Helplessness in the Women's Movement", Joanna Russ talks about the "Feminine Imperative" - that any power a woman holds may never be used for her own benefit, but only to look after everyone else. This is part of the way that women are socialised. In that respect, it's inherently radical for a woman to set out in pursuit of her own pleasure. (That doesn't mean at other people's expense. The idea that one person's pleasure is always at another person's expense is a fallacy.) Also, many women learn from our culture to be uncomfortable with holding obvious power over another person, estranged from their own strength, and mistrustful of other women who don't have those inhibitions.To whatever degree BDSM provides a space for women to claim their own power and become comfortable with it, to value their own pleasure and that of their lovers, it's a profoundly feminist act.
 

Copyright Jennifer Moore 1997
 



 

What separates BDSM from domestic violence?
BDSM holds that at its foundation is the consent of all participants. Domestic violence does not have this foundation. One may choose to argue and many hold to the idea that a perceived battered person does consent by their refusal to leave or fight back. However, the psychological make up of a battered person prevents such refusal, therefore making them incapable of an informed decision to consent. There is some abuse within the BDSM community though many will not admit to it.

 

When is it abuse?
It is vital to realise that abuse is possible in BDSM and *telling if it is abuse* is possible in BDSM. In addition, it is vital to know that if you are being abused, does not matter by whom, there are people out there who will help.

One of the perceived problems that pretty well any person interested in BDSM comes across eventually is "When it is BDSM and when it is abuse?"

Most of us have a gut sensation about this concept, however, BDSM being what it is, you may find your gut feeling and mine are not even close.

There is sometimes confusion between personal limits "No way would I do that!" and objective limits "No way, ought to anyone do that!"

Somehow we require to find an answer to "when is it abuse?" An answer that is capable of being used for all perceived kinks and types of what is deem of as play.

The perceived problem is that there are so many different what are referred to as “kinks” and levels of play, that coming up with objective limits may be perceived of as being difficult. Yes, you are capable of saying "no amputations" however;  an abundance of humans are being abused every day and not losing limbs or being killed. You may go on about standards at playparties and miss the interactions elsewhere. You may choose to focus on physical damage and miss the perceived emotional abuse.

Remember also, that "tops" or Dominants  are capable of being abused also. They are capable of being pressured into doing things they do not want to do, manipulated, made to experience guilt, not get what they require from the relationship.  Humans as a whole usually focus on the submissive for the reason that the top is seen as less vulnerable, however subs are capable of being manipulative leeches, and tops are capable of being prisoners of their role.

To be fair in any relationship, that is perceive as BSDM or "vanilla", the following is capable of occurring: Sexual, Physical, Emotional, Financial, Verbal and Mental abuse. Inside the home when someone attempts to controll someone by harassment, bashing, threatening, insulting, frightening and isolating it is considered domestic violence. This behaviour is not acceptable.

 



One might consider that if any of the following is happening, that they are most likely being abused.

Am I Being Abused?
This question may have crossed your mind.  Here is an Abuse Screening List. Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated.  One or two checks does not necessarily indicate abuse, however may give you pause to think about working on the relationship. 

Does (or has) your partner:

_____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
_____ Slowly isolated you from your family and friends?
_____ Put down your accomplishments or goals?
_____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
_____ Threaten to hurt your children if you do not do what they say?
_____ Threaten your pet if you don't comply with their wants or desires?
_____ Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
_____ Tell you that you are nothing without them?
_____ Treat you roughly - grab, push pinch, shove or hit you?
_____ Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
_____ Made you totally dependent on them economically?
_____ Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
_____ Blame you for how they feel or act?
_____ Refusing to give you or your children medical and dental care?
_____ Force you to have an abortion?
_____ Preventing you from going to church and participating in church activities?
_____ Restrict your your access to the children?
_____ Pressure you sexually for things you aren't ready for?
_____ Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?
_____ Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
_____ Make you take drugs or alcohol?
_____ If you require assistive devices such as a cane or wheelchair, are they taken out of reach?
_____ Attempt to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere afterwards ro teach you.

For those in Domestic Discipline Relationships:

_____ Are standards set so high you usually fall short of them?
_____ Are you punished in anger?
_____ Are punishments too severe for the offense?
_____ Are your unclear choices not expained to you?
_____ Are you treated a child?
_____ Is affection withdrawn as punishment?

For those that are in to the B & D and S & M of BDSM:

_____ Are hard limits ignored?
_____ Is safety ignored?
_____ Is there no effort made to resolve conflict after a problematic session?
_____ Is there no aftercare given?
_____ Are you just used as a ‘object’ on which your partner takes out their anger?
_____ Has your partner tried to force you into sexual situations with others?
_____ Are your requirements as a submissive/slave ignored?
_____ Has your partner ever used scenes to express or cover up anger and frustration?

It is fundamentally accurate that within the BDSM community are physical, emotional and mental abusers. There do not appear to be many of them, though they do exist. 

BDSM vs. Abuse

 

  • The majority of humans who are into BDSM were not ever abused as children.
  • Most humans who were abused as children do not later abuse their own children, or get into BDSM.
  • Many who were abused kids grow up to love BDSM despite their childhood experiences.
  • Some abused children actually eroticise their painful childhood experiences as adults.


S&M
 

  • Is based on the safe, sane, consensual theory
  • S&M is a controlled environment
  • S&M has safe words to stop the scene
  • In a S&M scene the Dominant looks out for the well being of the submissive
  • S&M is capable of being an erotic sexual encounter
  • In S&M both partners are enjoying themselves
  • In S&M the Dominant respects limits if any are given
  • In S&M there is mutual respect
  • In S&M the relationship is deemed fulfilling
  • In S&M both parties believe they contribute towards the relationships
  • In S&M relationship there is trust
  • In S&M a submissive voluntarily serves the Dominant
  • S&M is about building trust
  • S&M builds self esteem
  • S&M builds the spirit of a submissive


Abuse
 

  • Abuse is not negotiated
  • Abuse is an out of controll environment
  • Abuse does not have safe words
  • An abuser does not care about the perceived victim
  • Abuse is always one sided
  • Abuse is not ever negotiated.
  • In abuse, possible only the abuser is enjoying the results
  • The abuser is into non consensual violence
  • The victim has no respect towards the abuser
  • In abuse the perceived victim is harmed
  • The abuser always feel they are superiour
  • A person does not ask for abuse
  • In an abusive relationship there is little or no trust
  • The abuser does not care for consent
  • The abuse destroys self esteem of the perceived victim
  • An abuser destroys the spirit of the perceived victim


It is clear to state that there are not two relationships that will have the same complete dichotomy.

In BDSM Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual the submissive (be male or female) consents fully to give ultimate authority over themselves, to the activities which will take place. Through the negotiation period, before the relationship becomes a committed one, the submissive usually discusses their requirements, wants, desires, likes and dislikes as far as the activities are concerned. The Dominant and submissive are well informed of each other's preferences.

In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual (the slave) gives to another (the Master or Mistress) ultimate authority over them. It is a form of dominance and submission or total power exchange. The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation. The relationship is structured in terms of slavery, for the reason of the association of the term with ownership of the slave and the privileges of a Master or Mistress their body, as property or chattel (an item of tangible movable or immovable property, a slave). The dominant is often called Master if male, or Mistress if female.

The Owner/slave relationship is usually (unless paying a debt) entered into on a consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery, which is forbidden by the laws of most countries.

The word actual word "slave" has a great deal of energy to it. For those who would perceivable enjoy being love slaves or service slaves. It has a cultural charge around the world of non-consensual chattel slavery history that continues today as forced labour.

Many humans refer to themselves as being slaves for the simple reason that they enjoy erotic or other types of controll on a limited basis, as long as it does not interfere excessively with other areas of their lives they hold off-limits. And the more controlled a submissive is, the more that person's state resembles that of a slave, and so may be commonly referred to as "slave" without fine distinctions being made in conversation. Nevertheless when we are speaking of degree of controll,a true slave is someone very specific and special!

Power exchange On a psychological level, much of what BDSM deems as "play" involves power and dominance and, in particular, various forms of power exchange. One person may willingly and consciously hand over personal autonomy or the power dynamic may arise between the parties in the relationship as a spontaneous result of their interpersonal chemistry, in which case no conscious decision is made. This power is capable of manifesting in an endless variety of relationship dynamics. Some of the variations include the following:
 

  • Addressing another person as "Master" or "Mistress".
  • An agreement of service that covers the duties and responsibilities of the submissive that may or may not include a long-term commitment. Some service relationships are understood to last only as long as the submissive maintains performance standards.
  • Formal collaring with a lifelong agreement between the parties for the Dominant to provide an ongoing presence in the submissive's life. (See Total Power Exchange) collared slaves have responsibilities and servitude duties that vary from the moderate to extreme micro-management.


The term power exchange translated into Latin is "visvicis", "vis" meaning power and "vicis" meaning exchange.

Total Power Exchange
"Total Power Exchange" was coined by a man named Steven S. Davis in the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage during his debates with Jon Jacobs in the mid 1990's.

It was reported that in 1997CE Steven S. Davis gave this definition:

A TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship, sometimes described as an absolute lifestyle D&s relationship (that such relationships are capable of actually being neither "total" or "absolute" is agreed; these are ideal states to be worked towards though which will not be achieved, which is why TPE may be better seen as a process or goal than as a state), is a relationship in which no impediment to the exercise of the owner's power is accepted (some may, of course, exist, and what prudent owners do is to avoid direct collisions with these impediments, while working to overcome those that which is capable of being overcome (since the laws of gravity are not capable of being overcome, a sane owner is not going to ask a slave to fly (w/o appropriate equipment, of course), nor will a sensible owner attempt to push a slave into things that are hard limits for her (though the owner might push a slave up against what the slave thinks are hard limits however which she is capable of in fact overcoming). Such things as safewords, contracts, negotiated limits, and anything else which recognizes / acknowledges / formalises limits on the owner's power are inimical to TPE.

First, "total" power over anything is not ever achievable due to the presence of external constraints and immutable attitudes (see Davis' example of the laws of gravity above.) This means that humans speaking about TPE relationships are capable of finding find themselves continually qualifying the word "Total" in the face of "though what if he told you to shoot your children?" objections.

Secondly, the common thread in most of these relationships is that the dominant acquires authority not just "power." That is, the Dominant's controll of the submissive is acknowledged as being rightfully his. Furthermore, he may retain authority over some aspect of the submissive even when she is showing resistance and he does not have power over it at the time.

Total power exchange (TPE) is a derivative of the concept of "power exchange" in a Master/slave relationship. The term refers to a relationship where the "Master" or owner has complete authority and influence over the "slave"TPE is occasionally referred to as, "24/7" denoting that protocol in the M/s relationship is in play anytime, anywhere and the Master gets complete power at all times. The slave may work to please or satisfy the Master. This may perhaps include servitude, humiliation, public servitude, public use of collar and in some instances leash.

Outside the BDSM community, the relationship of Master/slave is sometimes regarded as a form of consensual sexual slavery. In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive. The Master/slave relationship refers to the relationship between the individuals involved, and does not necessarily require any specific acts, sexual or otherwise, though sexual activity is usually an aspect of the relationship. The sexual aspect may possibly be conventional, and not necessarily BDSM. A slave may perhaps also be a masochist.

BDSM in a Judeo/Christian Marriage

There has been an ongoing debate in the Judeo/Christian community about whether or not Judeo/Christians are capable of engaging in what are known of as BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominant/submissive/Sadomasochism) practises without perceivably "sinning." Even though BDSM is capable of involving a literal bondage (being handcuffed, tied up, etc.) and discipline (such as verbal chastisement or corporal punishment), it seems that it is clearest understood as a symbolic relationship between husband and wife and in terms of spiritual submission, which is deemed an important theme in the Judeo/Christian New Testament. A BDSM relationship between a Dominant husband and submissive wife is actually the perceived ideal of marriage set out in Ephesians 5:22-26 taken to its reasonable conclusion!

Spiritual Submission - The Ideal of Marriage

Most humans, who are Judeo/Christian are accustomed with the celebrated scriptural from the Judeo/Christian Old Testement which is perceive by some to be a  blueprint for a Judeo/Christian marriage:

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 to make her holy, cleansing her in the washing of water by the word. (Ephesians 5:22-26)

The husband and wife that choose to enter into a consensual Dominant/submissive relationship are perceivably choosing to completely endorse this commandment in their sexual lives, a choice that might be considered to be by the religious as being legitimate and honourable, and may also bring them both a perceived deep sexual and spiritual fulfillment. When BDSM ispractised in what is perceived to be a responsible way, that practise is perceive to be an implement of development for both partners in a Judeo/Christian marriage, This, hopefully, will allow both of them to further explore what they perceive to be their God's plan for perceived spiritual and sexual partnership.

When the Judeo/Christian God instructs to submit, it has been interpreted by humans, that He meant to submit completely, for the reason that He has a perceived higher purpose in mind for us. When the servant Hagar ran away from Sarah, she was sent back by an Angel: Then the Angel of the Lord said to her, "You must go back to your mistress and submit to her mistreatment." (Genesis 16:9) What appears to outsiders to be a perceived "abusive" situation may in fact have a much different meaning; in this case, Hagar was required to return to fulfill her service to the house of Abraham.

BDSM does not necessarily to involve whips and chains, black leather, or dungeon gear, although if the couple finds that these props will assist them to get "in the mood", there is not any known reason why consenting Judeo/Christian’s ought to not use them. It is believed that there is not anything that might be judged as being sinful about them. They are considered by some to be part of the Judeo/Christian heritage. As Saul, who later changed his name to Paul, is believed to have written to the Corinthians, I beat my body and bring it into submission, for fear that by any means, that after I have preached to others, I myself should be rejected. (1 Corinthians 9:27)

Many S&M devices, such as floggers, whips, lashes, clamps, chastity belts, and the cat o'nine tails, bear close resemblance to used a wide array of devices early Judeo/Christian penitents to whip their own bodies and mortify their flesh. They seemingly did this to submit their bodies to Jesus the Christ, to perceivably imitate his believed suffering on the Cross, and to perceivably purify themselves spiritually as they understood it and attain a closer union with their God. Many BDSM practitioners are reported to have described a sensation of what is believed to be a spiritual union with their partners that seemingly transcends their physical sexuality.

In this writing, a point that is required to be made is that not all consensual BDSM relationships are believed to abusive, either physically or emotionally, especially seemingly not in a Judeo/Christian marriage. For the reason that the husband is perceivably obligated to give nurture for his wife as Judeo/Christian’s, believe that Jesus the Christ nurtured the church!

This writing does not endorse any type of abuse or nonconsensual violence.  There is not a call for BDSM to include "wife beating" or “domestic violence”

It is believed that there is a enormous differentiation between what is perceived by someone to be chastisement inflicted out of anger and perceived cruelty by one human overwhelming another, and discipline that is allot out with human love and perceived reason, that is gratefully and willingly received. Those who participate in bondage and discipline and sadomasochism do so of their own free choice and by hopefully mutual agreement, and as with the Dominant/submissive relationship, it takes two to tango. Although it may seem like the human who ties the knots or wields the paddle holds all the power, if BDSM is practised respectfully and with integrity, the power is shared. The husband ought to always honour the limits of his wife with respect to pain or humiliation, so that he does not inflict any real deemed physical or emotional harm on her. 

Roles

Many humans just getting into the BDSM lifestyle may have had very limited dealings with other humans who are into BDSM. Their ideas and experiences are often limited to books they have read, scenarios they have imagined. Thus, many humans new to the lifestyle have some very unrealistic expectations about how to behave and how others might treat them.

The writer chooses to make an important point, regardless of your perception, there is a difference between someone that is a Master/Mistress, a Dominant/Domme (a female Dominant) and a Top. There is also a difference between a submissive, a slave and a bottom!

It is believed by many of the humans that we spoke with in the BDSM community, that a true Master or Mistress is someone male of female who chooses to creates a structured relationship in which the slave is required to adhere to the Master's or Mistresses' rules and standards without question. This level of relationship normally only comes after long periods of trust and understanding has been built between the two, though there are exceptions. In some cases the slave has no rights without the Masters giving them. Within the BDSM community, those that are perceived of as "want-to-be"Dominants that throw around the term or title of Master for themselves.

A Master or Mistress is one with extensive domination and submission experience who has proven their ability to dominate and master another human being. A Master or Mistress is also someone who has learned to master themsleves, for how is one capable of mastering another when they have not learned to master themselves? Many guys and girls choose to be addressed as Master or Mistress by their submissive and that is their prerogative, though it does not make them a Master or Mistress of the lifestyle.

Dominant behaviour

A Dominant human enjoys controlling a submissive human. Reasons for this are believed to include demonstrating skill and power, having ownership of another person, and being the object of affection and devotion. Domination may be the fashion in which the dominant experiences most comfortable expressing and/or receiving affection.Service-oriented Dominants would perceivably add that it is obviously useful to have the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal. Of course, other known possible motives remain to be considered, including pleasure taken not only in sheer power, however in the suffering of others, thrill seeking in risk taking, and outright self-destructiveness. That is why many in the BDSM community are concerned with establishing the motivations of those involved in an encounter and advise caution in making BDSM connections.

The dynamics of a BDSM relationship are often driven by the submissive, not by the Dominant. The submissive sets the limits; the submissive decides what places are capable and are not capable of being explored; the submissive has the ability to stop the scene. The Dominant, in many ways, is simply a facilitator. It's the Dominant's situation to create a setting where the humans involved are capable of exploring the submissive's fantasies.

The Dominant or Domme is someone who sets forth the rules and standards for a submissive, when the submissive allows it. When the submissive agrees, the Dominant or Domme will either give a safe word or request a safe word from the submissive to allow the submissive to retain certain freedoms to say no.

Is everyone with a dominant personality a lifestyle Dominant?

No. There are many humans in the world who have Dominant characteristics, however, have not chosen this type of relationship. Simply being Dominant does not mean that a human has the mental tools necessary to understand the submissive psyche to successfully dominate them.

The submissive is a volunteer.
A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon him or her.

The slave is not a volunteer.
A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is incumbent upon him or her to obey.

Submissive and Slave behaviour

A submissive human is one who submits of their own choice and seeks to submit to another. Submissives vary in how seriously they take their position, training, and situation. Motivations for engaging in submissive behaviour may include relief from responsibility, being the object of attention and affection, gaining a sense of security, showing off endurance, and working through issues of shame. Others simply enjoy a "natural" sensation when they are in the presence of their partner. What are known as service-oriented submissives may also have a deep seated desire to be "of use". Submissives also vary in the extent to which they engage in play, in how often they play, and even in whether they consider their role "play" at all.

At the basis of submission, the submissive has the clear choice to submit and the option to not submit. The submissive decides how much authority and controll he or she will concede to anotherl.  The submissive power exchange is about choice, the option to decide how one experiences a demand and what one is going to do about it. It is understood that if at any point the submissive for any reason, perceives they not comfortable with the arrangement that they have made, they have the full authority to change their agreement and decline any further involvement!  A submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say no to a Dominant's command.

This is a prospective from a human that considers herself to be a a strong, independent, assertive "woman," who, enjoys being submissive sexually. She reports it in this way, "...even when I am being submissive, I know that I am the one in power.I let the person dominate me, I set what can and cannot be done, and I can call a beginning and stop to the actionquot;.

Humans who are subservient and/or weak are submissives

This is not a clear statement.  dictionary meaning with the lifestyle meaning of the word. Many lifestyle submissives are incredibly strong minded, strong willed humans who have a deep seeded requirement to submit to another's will within a relationship.

Some participants regard the relationship as sexual role-play, while others enter into the relationship based on a highly committed, long-term, submissive lifestyle. Some practitioners perceive the difference between submissive and slave is the degree of submission. However, many who are involved in Master/slave relationships see the difference as being conceptual. For example, some slaves may not have a naturally submissive personality; nevertheless choose to surrender their will and volition to their Master

There is considerable debate over the exact definition of the word “slave” as it pertains to BDSM. Many people believe that a slave is someone who considers themselves to be one, whilst others believe one has to be in the perceived emotional state of total power exchange (TPE) for the term to apply. Then there are others that deem that a true slave is born and not created or trained. The slave only becomes a slave when he or she finds their one and only Master or Mistress. There are those humans within the BDSM community that choose to insist that the word "slave," similar to the word "submissive," is capable of meaning to the individual anything they want it to mean. It is, nevertheless, perceived as being a fact that slavery, in an M/s sense of the word, has specific connotations  and that slavery differs from submission in significant ways.

There are differences of opinion about whether one requires to be currently in an M/s relationship to be identified as a slave. Many in the BDSM community do not perceive that ownership is a requirement, viewing slavery as an identity rather than a condition.

There are four main differences between a submissive and a true slave

1) Slavery hinges upon a commitment to obedience. The slave does not revisit issues such as "ought to I submit?" or "What is my experience about that? Will I say yes or no?" When a Master or Mistresses’order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, he or she is obedient in the same manner that a soldier is who has enlisted in the military.

2) In consensual slavery, a male or female human gives themselves over to the controll of another as completely as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, however, there is actually a chattel property context to the relationship. This is not to a legal relationship, though to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often fondly referred to as "property", in the sense of consensual slavery, the true slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner. It is not unheard of for slaves to be sold by an Owner and to go willingly to their new Master or Mistress.

3) A true slave is not allowed to say no based upon their agreement without completely abrogating the very basis of the Master/slave agreement. A "no" from a true slave is a terminal deal-breaker in a way that it is not for a submissive.

4) A true slave has a deeper commitment to his or her Master or Mistress then a submissive does to her choice of Dominant.  A born slave is committed to serving and fulfilling his or her Master or Mistress ' every wish! Where as a submissive does not take that role. 

True slaves

True slaves are a group of real, legitimate, consensual, highly developed and dedicated human males and females who have accepted what is, by some arguably, one of the world's highest spiritual callings. Their purpose is to obey the Master or Mistress that they have been searching for, of whom they are a part, and from there serve in extraordinary ways.

True slaves realise that they want to serve another only after they are connected with their real Master or Mistress. They are also further developed through the power of S&M. In obedience, they learn to invite and experience whatever life delivers. The result is their relinquished attachment to the ego, a requirement to achieve destiny. A true slave is qualified to live the unique, individual role for which it was created.

Formal Collaring

The Formal Collar is offered by the Master with the intent to formalise the bond and attachment between themselves and their slave. It is a recognition of commitment, deep poignant feelings, devotion, mutual respect and consideration. It expresses a belief that the Master and slave share similar ideals and a genuine and growing desire to share each other’s lives over perhaps the rest of their lives. With many couples, this collar is given in juxtaposition with a proposal of marriage. Its weight within the BDSM community is equivocal to a wedding ring.

The acceptance of this collar by the slave is an open, voluntary offering of their complete submission to the Master from that day forward.

Two different positions

A submissive is equal to an employee in the workplace, who is capable of protesting directives and hopes to resolve conflict with management, i.e. the Dominant.

A slave, is equal a soldier who, if he or she disobeys orders, has put himself or herself in a position of mutiny with much more calamitous consequences to his or her relationship to the military, i.e. the Master or Mistress, than if he or she were a civilian disputing a less-controlling authority.  The military as with a Master/slave relationship is not capable of functioning if command authority is questioned

The continuum between submissive and slave

Submissives are commonly viewed as falling upon a continuum. At one end is one who submits very little or only in scene-delimited context; at the other, one who submits as a constant in a lifestyle context and is very controlled, and everyone else falls somewhere in between.

A large miscalculation occurs when humans take for granted that a true slave is simply another point on that continuum, an extreme form of submissive than is found in the ordinary range of submission. This is clearly misunderstood in the internal dynamics of slavery. A true slave is not an ueber-sub, someone "more" submissive than the "ordinary" submissive. For that matter, a slave may not even be submissive at all. Slavery is not about submission or submissive behaviours. It is about obedience and serving.

If you spank or whip someone, or tie them up and do whatever kink comes to mind, that does not make you a Dominant, athough a Top. If you have these things done to you, that does not take you a submissive, though instead a bottom. There is nothing perceived as being unclear with being a Top or a bottom, by any means, though dominance and submission extends beyond the kinky stuff and out into life. Topping and bottoming is about kink and play only. Dominance and submission is about the exchange of personal power within peoples' lives.

Tops and bottoms

Top or Dominant is the label used to describe a partner who takes the active or controlling role within what is know of as being a BDSM scene or within a BDSM relationship context. The function of Tops and Dominants is similar by many humans, and in many cases is perceived to overlap. For this reason, the terms are used interchangeably in some discussions, although there are differences between them.

Positions often overlap, with the Top also being the Dominant, however this is not always the case.Someone who is "Topping" may be doing so at the request, or even the direction, of the bottom partner(s). In such a case, the Dominant's function would reside with the bottom(s). Tops who act within this kind of relationship dynamic are sometimes called a Service Top. A bottom who has dominance over the activities or the relationship is said to be topping from the bottom, even though they are really expressing dominance from the bottom.

The bottom is a partner who takes the role of receiver in such acts as bondage, discipline, sadomasochism or humiliation in BDSM scenes or interactions.

The bottom is quite often the partner who is giving instructions, i.e., they direct the Top as to what and when things are to happen to them. A bottom who only ever receives instructions, especially if more than just of a sensory nature, is normally called a submissive or sub. If they obey all safe commands from the Top, they are often named a slave (though they may not be).

The term seems to have originated from a more general use of the word, especially among the gay male community, to mean receptive partner. However, a BDSM bottom ought not be only a sexually bottom though activities between a Top and bottom might or might not include sex.. A bottom might also be a masochist. It is possible for two partners to switch roles from one encounter to the other, or even during a single encounter, depending on mood and preference. (See Switch). The relationship between a bottom and their Top may be very transitory or is capable of being permanent. Some bottoms are even married to their Tops.

In some cases, "topping from the bottom" or the attempt by a submissive to covertly controll the top, is considered poor form within lifestyle BDSM and power exchange. However, in the instance of interrogation scene play, such cues from the submissive are necessary in order to have a successful experience.

Switch

Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy swiching, that is, playing both the role of a Dominant and a submissive, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the Top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A switch may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (i.e., two Dominants), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realise his or her unsatisfied BDSM requirements with others. Some individuals may switch, however may not identify as a switch for the reason that they do so infrequently or only under certain circumstances. Sometimes individuals switch in just physical roles (Top and bottom), and sometimes individuals may switch completely in emotional roles (Dominant and submissive) as well

Subspace

When we were doing research on subspace we asked a girl to describe it.  Here was her response: 

"It was a physiological and psychological descent from total consciousness to the relaxing, uninhibited plane of existence."

Subspace is an altered state of consciousness, one that varies from human to human although in which one’s awareness is altered dramatically.

There are really no "stages of subspace." There are however very different ways in which humans experience and response to the BDSM-activities that seem to bring about this reaction.

There are several humans who believe that subspace is just a state of orgasmic energy. Though both have the same beginning, they then travell in two different directions. Orgasm and “subspace” are two different, biochemically largely incompatible experiences.

Different biochemical reactions create different experiences (not levels of experience!). One is not superiour than the other. They are just different. It is important to understand these differences, for the reason that the wants and requirements are different. Allow me also to declare that there is an immense difference between the physiological (especially bio-chemical) reactions in the human male and human female body. As a direct result of this the human male "subspace" is incomparable to the human female "subspace." It has been noted that the human female "subspace" usually lasts a great deal longer. The explanation for this might be the simple fact that the human male ejaculation (which is not necessarily always the same as an orgasm) puts an end to quite a large number of biochemical processes and as a direct result - to "subspace." Also, remember that the human female sexuality in general is very different from the human male sexuality. In addition, there is of course a main dissimilarity in the way in which human men and women deal with what are perceived of as being "emotions".

"Subspace" is perceived to be a dissociative reaction that is more in a response to intense stimulus, and is at least partly related to biochemical changes (endorphin release, for example) triggered by the physical and perceived emotional stimulation during a deemed scene. It is believed that one typically experiences some physical after-effects, that usually are not regarded as unpleasant  and a   perceived emotional effect, that is generally neutral to pleasant. In addition, the person is very aware, in general, of how they got there and that something major happened, though they may not be able to recall details and generally do not remember much of what occurred while they were in "subspace".

A number of deemed submissive human females seem to confuse orgasm, or even strong (sexual) arousal, with what is know of as being "subspace" - simply for the reason that they have no personal experience with real orgasms. Global scientific research informs that  it is perceivably unfortunately, though probably as many as one out of every three adult women has not ever experienced a real clitoral or vaginal orgasm. There is no reason to presuppose these figures any different within the BDSM community. In other words, most submissive women do not know what in orgasm is, hence are not really capable of distinguishing the differences between orgasm and "subspace" and are very likely to mistake one for the other.

While there are different forms of orgasm (different orgasms, as some prefer to say). One thing is known,  having an orgasm while in "subspace" is biologically next to impossible!

This is for the reason that the hormonal sequence of events leading to subspace is quite unlike from the one leading to an orgasm. In the early stages of the route to both "subspace" and orgasm, these sequences of events are quite similar. However, at some place along the way the physical body is required to choose: either go for the orgasm, or go for the "subspace". One is exclusive of the other. In other words, whenever someone has informed you that they were orgasming as if there were not a tomorrow” that is precisely what has been happening. Although, no more than that. There is nothing criminal with experiencing orgasm. On the contrary in fact, however, it is just not "subspace."

"Subspace" is perceived to be a form of trance. Trance in its essence is a state of being, different from your perceived "normal" state of being. During trance your mind excludes most of its input and concentrates on just one or only very few impulses, completely disregarding all others. There are many ways in which a trance is capable of being induced. Prolonged dancing for example, or hunger. Hypothermia, recreational drugs, high fever, lack of nutrition, dehydration and BDSM-activity all are capable of inducimg trance. Just like repeated physical activity (such as jumping from one leg on another for a long time - a modern technique used by psychologists).

This trance is the result of hormonal activity. Hormones are substances in your body, responsible for communication between the brain and the cortex and the rest of the physical body ("blink your eye" is the result of a mini hormone cocktail. So is “pull muscle” or "falling in love.") Everything your body does (or does not) is the result of these usually complex hormone cocktails. Hormones are being read by "receptors" and the availability and functionality of these receptors is genetically determined. That is why a hormonal reaction is not identical in different people.

For "subspace" to exist, a group of hormones  described as "peptides," is important. Peptides are short chains of amino acids. Amino acids are the basic building blocks of proteins and many other different types of organic molecules. Many of these peptides resemble morphine (which is also produced in the human body) and have attributes, which are capable of being compared to morphine. In addition, although natural, they are to some extent addictive! For "subspace" endorphin, groups of such peptides are an important ingredient.

This is, in all probability, the easiest state to explain rationally. When humans experience pain (and/or fear), the physical body releases endorphins (any of a group of proteins occurring in the brain and having pain-relieving properties typical of opium and related opiates) which help humans to cope with the "assault". One of the other perceived pleasant side effects of endorphins is that they are capable of producing a "natural" high, which is capable of varying from a warm floaty sensation to intense screaming euphoria

Where does it all begin?

Both "subspace" and sexual arousal start with two hormones: adrenaline (in biochemical terms epinephrine) and noradrenaline (norepinephrin). These twins are being produced simultaneously, however they serve different purposes. Adrenaline among many other things makes certain that extra nutrients (sugars especially) are transported to the muscles, while noradrenaline (again, among many other things) is responsible for inducing vascular contraction, so the veins help the heart to pump blood through the body faster.

You might declare the adrenaline twins are your body's first response team. As soon as anything happens that is different from what was, at that moment in time, the normal situation, the human body begins to produce adrenaline. This happens in a split second and it brings the human body to a "higher state of alert," ready to fight, run, jump out of the way of a passing lorry or to enter into an argument for example. Your senses are wide open, the information transported through the human body increases and speeds up, muscles contract, the heart rate heightens and muscles are being filled with whatever “fast food” is available. And these are only a few of the processes, induced by the adrenaline twins. Besides, adrenaline is one of your natural painkillers.

When your physical body decides it is time to produce adrenaline, it does so, based on the principle of fight or flight.  Adrenaline production is well under way before the brain has had a chance to analyse the situation. The grounds for this is that the situation may call for a impulse action. That is what you want. You do not want your brain to be required to think in slow motion; “Hey, there is a car that is about to strike me, what shall I do about that?” No, you mostlikely got yourself out of the way before you fully grasped the situation. That is a reflex and the result of adrenaline.

The motorway to "subspace" is similar to a ladder. One will travell from one rung to the next. Adrenaline is the first rung. The next one brings you to a different much larger group of hormones named endorphins. One important note, there are other endorphin highs (such as the “runners' high”). They are, although similar, very different from what are referred to as "subspace."

Endorphins are also peptides. They are a morphine-like group of substances (so far science has identified 39 different ones), that are relatively new to scientists. Biochemically, exertion has effects on serotonin "the feel-good hormone,"endorphins (nature’s pain reliever), and norepinephrine (a stress hormone)."  Regardless if one cries, laughs, or chooses to get angry, happy, or sad or just bored; these are all triggered by endorphins. They are produced in countless different "cocktails" and, just like adrenaline, work as a natural painkiller as well.

Apparently there are small, uncontrolled fountain like releases on the outside of the human brain. These have been photographed and filmed. These "endorphin fountains" occur on specific occasions. Most parents will have seen their young child simply staring at a ball or some object without moving or responding, just looking at it, apparently fascinated by its colour or shape.  That is when endorphin fountains occur.  When these fountains are connected to the type of emotional and physical responses, which are referred to as “subspace” in terms of BDSM. These endorphin fountains also seem to induce the “deer in the headlight” behaviour. That is not fear, however, a fascination. A probably more familiar similar reaction is the Lysergic acid diethylamide LSD- was first synthesized by a man named Albert Hofmann in 1938 CE

Here you reach a decisive intersection.  Once the endorphins production gets well underway, there is a choice to make are you going into “subspace” or are you going into orgasm?

Between "subspace" and orgasm, one excludes the other. No one is capable of exactly knowing how or why this choice is being made however, take into account that hormone receptors are genetically determined, at least some of that has to be in the genetic code within the human physical body.

In order to follow the hormonal route to an orgasm the hypothalamus now will be required to being to produce the hormone, a small protein, or peptide, called gonadotropin or GnRH. GnRH stimulates the pituitary gland to activate the reproductive system.

Up to this point the physical body has produced a quite number of these “mood hormones” and that are responsible for the sensations of bonding, attachment, affection, security and love. This makes sense, since these perceived emotions in human females especially, are a necessity for the orgasm. This is what some humans describe as “floating”. This is not one of stages of "subspace”. Actually that is pretty general, ordinary human behaviour and quite necessary.

Now is where one will be capable of observing the fundamental differences between "subspace" and other BDSM experiences. If and when the physical body decides not to go for the orgasm, though instead to move towards "subspace," the submissive or slave will be achieving to the “deer in the headlights”, and the point of where the dam breaks.

Within the endorphins group there are some hormones that are named "encephalin". Enkephalin are either of two naturally occurring pentapeptides (methionine enkephalin and leucine enkephalin) isolated from the human brain, which have powerful opiate-similar to effects and most likely serve as neurotransmitters.

If endorphins production continues, science still does not know exactly why, trance and light forms of hallucination occur. That is true "subspace"!

It has been observed that someone who is actually in "subspace" would seemingly be unable to recognise the outside world. The human's pupils widen, their responses slow and they appear illogical. They seem silent, absentminded; to declare this to another, or in other words, they are "not really here." Food and sustenance is no longer important to them. A human in the "subspace" is capable of hearing someone speak to them; though do not really understand what is being said. They do not have the capacity to use accurate words to communicate and, in some cases, submissives even stop breathing.

"Subspace" is dangerous in some ways. Humans "in subspace" have very different levels of perception and awareness. "Subspace" has been equated to getting drunk or getting high on drugs. One forgets the pain, their perceived problems, and all of their cares seem to drift away while they are in this state. It is a state of mind that impairs rational thought and decision-making skills.

It is perceived that someone that is in "subspace" would not recognise a situation that life-threatening. It has been reasoned that if someone in "subspace" were to view a traffic light, they would perceive of it as being interesting colours that change all the time. They would not perceive of it as being a warning signal. Humans that have observed someone in "subspace" have theorised that if the throat of someone were to be cut that the human would in all probability inform the human watching that they had believed this to be an interesting and fascinating experience. It is perceived that someone that is in “subspace” would not recognise the situation life-threatening.

"Subspace" is capable of lasting from several hours to several days. For the duration of "subspace."  Their reflexes will slow down severely (this is the result of the slightly intoxicating effects of enkephalins on the cerebral cortex) and much of normal, everyday logic no longer works. Someone in subspace is not capable of making responsible, consensual decisions.

Remember that orgasms and "subspace" are two different, biochemically largely incompatible experiences. There are not levels to "subspace." Different biochemical reactions create different experiences (not levels of experience!)

Someone who considers herself to be a "collared slave" wrote the following. 

This is her experience of subspace, in her own words
 

Originally, i had never experienced such a state in my life.  Having been a long distance runner and swimmer where the "runner's high" experience was familiar, the sub space state i experienced was far more powerful and profound.  Knowing that endorphins were released and contributing to my state made sense to me, however the high i was experiencing made it almost impossible for my to stand let alone attempt to walk.  i felt as though i was floating entirely within my Master’s world.  The existence of the outside world disappeared and i was without a care, safe and protected by my Master, letting go of all that i was so my Master could set me free. In sub space, i feel though my Master could reach inside of me and claim everything that i am and then some.

Once i realized that i was experiencing the so called sub space i found myself submitting more freely and easily to my Master.  The more i submitted to my Master, the more control i relinquished, the more readily and easily He was able to take me to sub space and the deeper i went. In sub space i was not always able to clearly and logically speak and my ability to remember what was said to me was impaired.  It is as if my mind stopped processing all thoughts and had migrated to a new state of consciousness.

To me, sub space is the utmost level of release and freedom i have ever experienced.  It is the perfect state of bliss.  It surpasses any experience i have ever had.  The state provides me with the ultimate feelings of security, joy, happiness, pleasure and freedom.  Once in sub space the connection to my Master is deeper.    

i really can't say what exact things occurred the one of the times my Master took me to the deepest, highest level of sub space He had ever taken me to. i can say it included a succession of things though.  i can clearly remember being in that state of suspended bliss.  On this specific occasion, i remained in sub space for over 24 hours followed by at least 12 hours of recovery sleep.  i remember waking with overwhelming contentment and feeling more rested then ever and wanting more.  i wanted Him to take me to this state of bliss again and again. i wanted the deep level of surrender.  i wanted to release all control to Him and in turn feel His ultimate control over me.  i wanted the deep connection i felt with Him and to feel enveloped by Him and His world.  i then realized i was addicted to Him and to the sub space bliss He took me to.
 

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