Abuse -- Stop the Violence

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STOP THE VIOLENCE!!

 

 

Humans are the only species that willingly chooses to murder, steal, rape, and torture their own kind just for the reason of doing it. For all of their intelligence and regality, humans are the only species that kill among their own species, just to do it. While it is true that goats buck one another to compete for mates, and that the same species of fish may nip and bite at one another in their effort to secure food, goats do not kill goats and trout do not kill others among their own species of trout. Killer whales, or Orcas do kill whale, though Orcas are actually the largest member of the dolphin family and the top predator in the marine environment. While Dolphins also kill porpoises, the terms dolphin and porpoise are sometimes used interchangeably to refer to any member of the group, biologists recognise that dolphins and porpoises are from two distinct families. Only humans seek to kill other humans for the lone purpose of killing.

Much of human behaviour is irrefutably linked to a mixture of operant and classical conditioning. Humans imprison, torture and kill other humans for the simple reason of their beliefs. Originally, it is claimed that humans lived in matriarchal societies (women held political power), which did not have wars. Through this change in societal relationships, classical conditioning was brought about.

The concept of classical conditioning was really first brought to light by Ivan Pavlov, the famous Russian physiologist. Pavlov discovered these important relationships around the turn of the century in his work with dogs. He created the first learning theory, which precedes the learning theory most teachers know quite well, reinforcement theory. Classical conditioning is built on creating relationships by association over trials.

SIX RECOGNISED FORMS OF ABUSE:

  1. PHYSICAL VIOLENCE: striking, punching, pushing, shoving, throwing objects, smashing precious collections.
  2. SEXUAL VIOLENCE: forcing hurting, forcing unwanted forms of sex, rape
  3. VERBAL VIOLENCE: shouting, rage, put downs, comparisons with previous spouse
  4. SOCIAL VIOLENCE: isolation from friends, confining to house, smothering, constant telephoning to check up on another
  5. ECONOMIC VIOLENCE: keeping a spouse poor so spouse has to ask for essentials keeping total control of finances
  6. SPIRITUAL ABUSE: selective use of scriptures e.g. "Wives be submissive to your husbands" without regard to it's context, namely, "Submit yourselves to one another" and "husbands love your wives."



Both human men and women stay in what are perceived of as being abusive relationships for mostly the same reasons, which are denial, financial, fear, love, children, religion, or pressures from their family or their church, people choose to stay in what are perceived of as being abusive relationships. So, whether you are a human female or male, you may have made choices to have yourself in a relationship that is considered to be abusive.

When you hear the term "domestic violence" you are most likely to picture a woman, battered and abused at the hands of an angry and unreasonable husband or boyfriend. Though that is only one side of this perceived ugly picture. According to the latest studies, 835,000 men are attacked each year by their girlfriends or wives, and the true figure may actually be higher.

One in eight women is raped during her four years at college, and a recent Glamour Magazine study found that 91% of college women raped by acquaintances did not report it to the police.

For completed and attempted rapes, nearly 90% of the victims knew the offender, who was usually a classmate, friend, ex-boyfriend or acquaintance. ("The Sexual Victimization of College Women," National Institute of Justice and Bureau of Justice Statistics, January 26, 2001)

Humans that are deemed of as being "victims of domestic violence" come from all walks of life, all cultures, all income groups, all ages, and all religions. They also come in both sexes. They share outlooks of what they perceive of as helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear, and shame.

There are many humans that either do not realise or do not understand that they have allowed themselves to be in relationships that are deemed of as being abusive. These humans also do not realise that it is their choice to stay in these relationships. Between 1975 CE and 1985 CE, male-against-female domestic violence decreased, while women's violence against men increased. In Straus and Gelles' second study, in 1986 CE, 1.8 million women suffered assaults from a husband or boyfriend, though a wife or girlfriend assaulted two million men.

WASHINGTON - The United States is "the most violent and self-destructive nation on earth," a congressional report said Tuesday.
"In 1990, the United States led the world with its murder, rape and robbery rates," the report said. " When viewed from the national perspective, these crime rates are sobering. When viewed from the international perspective, they are truly embarrassing.

"The report noted that the murder rate in the United States was more than twice that of Northern Ireland, which is torn by civil war; four times that of Italy; nine times England's and 11 times Japan's. Violence against women in America was even more pervasive, the committee said. The rape rate in the United States was 8 times higher than in France, 15 times higher than in England, 23 times higher than in Italy and 26 times higher than in Japan...

...based on raw FBI data and preliminary statistics for last year, based its comparisons on Justice Department statistics for industrialised nations. Crime reporting standards vary in those countries, and crime rates for less-developed Third World nations generally are either unavailable or unreliable. But the report made clear that violence in the United States has no equal among the world's developed nations. Nor did 1990 have a modern equal for violence in America." By Tim Weiner, San Jose Mercury News, 1991 Mar 13



Statistics:

  • At least one in three women and girls has been beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime. (UN Report on the Commission on the Status of Women, February 2000)
  • Every minute in the United Kingdom, police receive a call from the public for assistance for domestic violence. Eighty-one percent of these are female victims attacked by male perpetrators. (Economic and Social Research Council's Programme on Violence, Royal Holloway, September 28, 2000)
  • Almost half of all female victims of homicide in England and Wales are killed by their partner or ex-partner, compared with 6% of male victims. (Homicide Statistics 1990-1994, Women's Aid Federation of England)
  • Abused adult women have been found to have higher rates of unemployment and poverty. And sexual abuse is also associated with unwanted pregnancies, multiple sex partners and psychiatric problems. (Study conducted with British women by researchers at St. Bartholomew's Hospital, London, UK; reported in The Lancet, August 2001)
  • Girls who are raped before the age of 16 are more than three times more likely to experience domestic violence as adults and nearly three times as likely to be raped as adults. (Study conducted with British women by researchers at St. Bartholomew's Hospital, London, UK; reported in The Lancet, August 2001)
  • 1 in 6 women in the United States has experienced an attempted or completed sexual assault. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
  • According to the Justice Department, 1 in 2 rape victims is under 18; 1 in 6 is under 12. (Child rape victims, 1992)
  • Domestic violence occurs in approximately 25-33% of same-sex relationships. (NYC Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, October 1996)



Spouse abuse happens in all kinds of relationships. Husbands abuse wives and wives abuse husbands. The most common form of spouse abuse is violence by men against women. Their husbands or boyfriends kill almost half of all women murdered in this country. Nearly 4 thousand die each year. In the United States, a man beats a woman every 15 seconds. The stories most humans have heard from abused men are no less horrifying than those told by women. They were kicked, hit, stabbed, pushed down stairs and through plate glass doors. Like their female counterparts, the men often covered up for their wives, lying to doctors and authorities about the true cause of their injuries. As one man said, "I'm supposed to take it like a man."

It is understandable why women might be angry. Women are beaten also. Women's mothers and women's grandmothers and even women's great-grandmothers have lost hundreds of years skulking in the shadows, labouring quietly and longing desperately for the glance that says, "You are my equal;" looking and working their utmost and waiting patiently for the promotion, the hand up, the acknowledgement of a job well done, the camaraderie for Christ sake.

MYTHS OF WIFE ABUSE There are several myths surrounding the issue of wife abuse. Here are three of them:

Myth #1--Some Men Can't Help Themselves. Some believe that there are men who do not have the ability to cope with frustration. It is said that these men have no choice except to abuse. In responding to this claim, James and Phyllis Alsdurf state, "If frustrating situations offered only one option, abusers would be equally violent on the job, driving in traffic, or interacting with friends; but that is simply not true. The majority of abusers direct their violence specifically and purposely toward their wives" (Battered Into Submission, p.68).

Myth #2--Alcohol Is The Problem. While alcohol and other drugs are involved in many abusive marriages, there are others where they are not. It is wrong to assume that alcohol or drugs are the fundamental cause of spouse abuse. While chemical dependencies often inflame and complicate abusive relationships, they are only part of the problem. Removing alcohol, for instance, still leaves the heart and root of the abuse unexposed and unchallenged.

Myth #3--Abused Women Are Themselves To Blame. Some believe that wife abuse would not occur if it were not for women who drive their husbands over the edge. They point out that some women "bait" their husbands into abusing them with a frigid attitude or constant nagging. They maintain that some women actually "buy" the attention and sympathy of others by provoking their husbands to violence.

Are you in a relationship that is perceived of as being abusive? Does the person that you are in involved with have the following behavoiurs?

  • Traces all of your time?
  • Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
  • Becomes upset if you are not in the house when they arrive there?
  • Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
  • Prevent you from working or attending school?
  • Criticises you for little things?
  • Criticises your worth as a human being?
  • Angers easily when drinking or on drugs?
  • Becomes angry or enraged when you want to celebrate times that are important to you?
  • Controls all finances and forces you to account in detail for what you spend?
  • Humiliates you in front of others?
  • Destroys your personal property or sentimental items?
  • Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
  • Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
  • Threaten to hurt you or the children?
  • Force you to have sex against your will?
  • Forces you to do sexual things against your will?



What is Sexual Violence? Sexual violence affects women, children, and men of all racial, cultural and economic backgrounds. Sexual violence is any form of unwanted sexual contact obtained without consent and/or through the use of force, intimidation, or coercion. Sexual violence is not motivated by sexual desire. It is an act of power and control over the victim. Rape, sexual assault, incest, and sexual harassment are forms of sexual violence.

What is Marital Rape? While the legal definition varies within the United States, marital rape is capable of being defined as any unwanted intercourse or penetration (vaginal, anal, or oral) obtained by force, threat of force, or when the wife or husband is unable to consent. Rape in marriage is an extremely prevalent form of sexual violence, particularly when women or men who are involved in physically abusive relationships may be especially vulnerable to rape by their partners.

Facts About Marital Rape

  • Marital rape victims experience more severe anger and depression and have different counseling requirements than women or men raped by strangers or acquaintances.
  • Marital rape occurs in all types of marriages regardless of age, social class, race or ethnicity.
  • It is a myth that marital rape is less serious than other forms of sexual violence.
  • Most researchers of marital rape agree that rape in marriage is an act of violence, an abuse of power by which a husband or wife attempts to establish dominance and control over his or her wife or husband. …these men and women are often portrayed as jealous, domineering individuals who feel a sense of entitlement to have sex with their "property."



A 1984 CE issue of the Justice Quarterly says that in domestic violence, women compensate for their size by using weapons. In 6,200 domestic abuse cases, 86 percent of women who assaulted men used weapons: guns, knives, boiling water, bricks, fireplace pokers and baseball bats. Only a quarter of men who assaulted women used weapons. One study by the renowned University of Calgary researcher Eugen Lupri, reported that while 17.8% of husbands had admitted to abusing their female partners, 23.3% of the wives admitted to abusing their male partners. Claudia Dias criticises the different ways domestic violence against men and women is viewed. "When a man hits a woman, it's abuse and felony. When she does it, it's because she has a bad temper."

One guy's story. Rick kept his wife's abuse secret for 21 years before finally leaving her. At one point he was forced to defend himself with Mace. When the police were finally called, Rick was the one arrested. "I felt betrayed by the system, by the courts, and by my wife."

Even though less serious physical damage is done to men than women, the emotional effects of being abused are quite serious for any survivor of abuse. Emotional abuse by way of insults, intimidation, and other methods, has the potential to be even more devastating than physical abuse, for the reason that it is difficult to prove and therefore difficult to stop. In May, 2000 CE, the Justice Department loudly announced the good news about domestic violence: in the years 1993 CE and 1998 CE, the rate at which American women were attacked or threatened by loved ones (husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends) declined 21 percent. The Associated Press stories buried the statistics for men: the number of men who were attacked by wives or girlfriends remained stable, with 160,000 attacks both years.

Women are also responsible for one-third of the sexual abuse of boys, according to the 2 December 1998 CE Journal of the American Medical Association.

Most everyone knows that men rape women, though there are few people that even believe that a woman is capable of raping a man. Here is an account of one.

From the "Daily Olympian" Sunday, 29 June 1997 - Section C page 3

The first woman in Spokane County to be convicted of raping a man could face up to 30 years in prison. A seven-woman; five-man Superior Court jury on Friday found Theresa S. guilty of first-degree rape and second degree assault. Theresa S., 36, was accused of torturing the 42-year-old man at her east Spokane apartment from September to January. The victim was punched, chained, burned, raped, and threatened with a knife. He finally escaped and called police on 17 January. Rape is defined on a state-by-state basis. In some states, the rape of men is not defined by law under the same terminology or degree of offense as the rape of women. Some states do not even recognise oral or anal penetration as being rape.



In the Western society a victim is perceived of as being innocent. The perceived victim is believed by humanity to have not done any perceived wrong and yet he/she has been perceivably harmed by his/her fellow human or environment. In reality, there are very few genuine victims. Who among you really believes that they are innocent of any perceived unsuitable doing ever?

The human world has deceived itself into playing the role of victim. And humans are giving an academy award performance while doing it. Humans easily slip into the role without conscious awareness. Perfectly intelligent people play the role of victim without the slightest awareness that they are doing so. The human mind is a tribute to its ability to deceive itself. Most humans do not understand exactly what "emotional pain" is. Humans say that they would rather be happy than sad, though they choose this response and then complain about it.

Humans have dominion over their environment, their environment does not have dominion over them.

 



There are several ways in which humans attempt to control each other. Some are mental, psychological, physical and sexual. While society knows of the female as the perceived victim of rape, it does not know of the male that is perceived of as the victim of rape.

  • It is not uncommon for a perceived male rape victim to blame himself for the rape, believing that he in some way gave permission to the rapist (Brochman, 1991).
  • Male rape victims suffer a similar fear that female rape victim's face, that people will believe the myth that they may have enjoyed being raped.
  • Becoming sexually aroused, having an erection, or ejaculating are normal, involuntary physiological reactions during a sexual assault. Also, males do not have to be sexually aroused to have an erection. Some men may believe they were not raped or that they gave consent for the reason of this.
  • Sexual arousal does not necessarily mean there was consent. It does not mean that the perceived victim wanted to be raped or sexually assaulted, or that the deemed survivor enjoyed the traumatic experience.
  • According to Groth, some assailants may attempt to get their perceived victim to ejaculate for the reason that for the rapist, it symbolises their complete sexual control over their perceived victim's body. Since ejaculation is not always within conscious control though rather an involuntary physiological reaction, rapists frequently succeed at getting their perceived male victims to ejaculate. As Groth and Burgess have found in their research, this aspect of the attack is extremely stressful and confusing to the victim. In misidentifying ejaculation with orgasm, the perceived victim may be bewildered by his physiological response during the sexual assault and, therefore, may be discouraged from reporting the assault for fear his sexuality may become suspect (Groth & Burgess, 1980).



There have been numerous recorded incidents where a man has been raped by a woman. Men raped by women fear being treated as less than a real man for allowing themselves to be overpowered by a woman. "Real men" don't get raped. Contrary to commonly held beliefs that men are "too big," "too strong," "too much in control," or "too much into sex" to be sexually assaulted, a substantial number of men are perceivably victimised each year.

  • RAPE is an act of violence. It is an attempt to control and degrade using sex as a weapon.
  • RAPE is capable of happening to anyone, children, students, wives, mothers, working women, grandmothers, the rich and poor, and boys and men.
  • RAPISTS are capable of being, classmates, co-workers, a neighbour or delivery person, ugly or attractive, outgoing or shy, often a friend or family member.
  • RAPISTS rape again and again, until caught.



Why do not boys report when there is perceived sexual abuse? Boys, as with girls, are frequently threatened by the perpetrator that speaking up will lead to further violence for themselves and/or others. There are fears of not being believed and that reporting may tear the family apart. In addition to these, and many other reasons boys share with girls, boys face challenges to speaking up unique to their gender. Western society informs boys that they ought to be "tough" and solve their problems on their own. If the boy has an early sexual experience with an older woman they are told they are "lucky!" This may be perceived of as being embarrassing for a male to admit his mother, aunt, sister or female babysitter has molested him!

Humans will one day be required to become very clearly honest with themselves. Victims experience guilt for the simple reason that their particular societies deem something as particularly (morally) "wrong." If one does not understand that something that their society deems of as "wrong" is capable of being perceived of as a pleasure to their senses, one will blame, damn and condemns one's self for experiencing those senses in that way. In most (not all) cases, as far as sex goes, the perceived victim experiences guilt for the simple reason that sex is a act that is pleasurable to the human senses! Society teaches humans that sex is perceived of as being "wrong" or as a nun that once instructed us stated, "sex is bad, save it for the one that you love." Sister Justin These are some of the other effects that one might choose to experience:

  • Anger
  • Guilt
  • Fear
  • Embarrassment
  • Shame
  • Depression (Not Clinical)
  • Mistrust



In writings and belife systems of the past, it is perceived that no being will be allowed to experience anything that they have not chosed to experience.

Something to consider: If anybody is being touched or controlled or dominated, if any abuse is being forced against the will of another, there is abuse going on. Here are some clues that your relationship is abusive.

  • Do you dread "talks" with them?
  • Does your pulse rise and your mind become foggy at the mere thought of a disagreement or conflict with them?
  • Will you do anything to avoid the conflict and keep the peace?
  • Do you have inexplicable aches and pains, or tenseness?
  • Are these worse when you are around them? · Do you have panic attacks at the mere thought of conflict, or mere thought of being with them?
  • Do you find yourself looking for a great deal more "alone time?"
  • Does being alone seem a much more calming and appealing than spending time with them?



There are different types of abuse.

Physical Abuse

  • Pushes or shoves you
  • Holds you to keep you from leaving
  • Slaps or bites you
  • Kicks or chokes you
  • Hits, punches or stomps you
  • Throws objects at you
  • Locks you in or out of the house
  • Abandons you in a dangerous place
  • Refuses you assistance when you are sick, injured or pregnant
  • Subjects you to reckless driving
  • Forces you off the road or keeps you from driving, throws you out of vehicle
  • Rapes you Threatens or hurts you with a weapon



Sexual Abuse

  • Tells anti-women or anti-male jokes, makes demeaning remarks about women or men
  • Treats you as sex objects
  • Is jealously angry, accuses you of having sex with someone else
  • Insists you dress in a more sexual way than you want
  • Accuses you of flirting with women or men
  • Accuses you of dressing to attract men
  • Minimised the importance of your thoughts about sex
  • Criticizes you sexually
  • Insists on unwanted and uncomfortable touching
  • Withholds sex and affection
  • Calls you sexual names like "whore", "slut", or "frigid"
  • Forces you to strip against your will
  • Publicly shows sexual interest in other women or men
  • Has affairs with other women or men after agreeing to a faithful relationship
  • Forces you to have sex with him, her or others, forces you to watch sex acts
  • Forces you to perform unwanted sexual acts that you deem of as perverted
  • Forces sex after a beating
  • Forces sex with objects or weapons (for the purpose of hurting you)
  • Forces sex when you are sick or too soon after pregnancy or surgery
  • Committed sadistic sexual acts



Emotional Abuse

  • Ignores your feelings
  • Ridicules or insults your most valued beliefs, religion, racial heritage or class
  • Withholds approval, appreciation or affection
  • Ridicules or insults women or men as a group
  • Continually criticises you, calls you names, shouts at you
  • Insults or drives away your friends
  • Humiliates you in private or public
  • Refuses to socialise with you
  • Keeps you from working, controls your money, or makes all the decisions
  • Refuses to work or share money if he or she does work
  • Takes car keys or money away
  • Regularly threatens to leave or tell you to leave
  • Punishes or deprives the children when he or she is angry with you
  • Threatens to kidnap the children if you leave
  • Manipulates you with lies and contradictions
  • Creates such a stir at work that you are fired



Definitions of classifications:
Abuse is the unacceptable use of power by one person to the detriment of another.
Victim is a person that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent, ie abuse, rape etc.
Survivor is a person who has physically survived the set of circumstances that were put on them.
Overcomer is someone who has not only survived the circumstances though has gone on with their lives and healed, therefore overcoming the circumstances.
Mary Matalin was accurate when she wrote in a 1993 CE Newsweek column: "We are not victims; our daughters are not infants; our sons are not brutes; our men are not monstrous pigs." If women hate the idea that only men can be strong, we'd better reject the myth that only women can be gentle. If we aspire to leadership, it's time we take responsibility for our own capacity to abuse and victimise others.

More help is capable of being obtained from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or the Family Violence Prevention Fund at 800-END-ABUSE.


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